29 Clear Signs That Your Spouse is an Addict

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29 Clear Signs That Your Spouse is an Addict

Living with a Partner Addict

Coping with spouse addiction can turn your life upside down. All the trust that was built throughout the relationship is gone. Part of any substance addiction will involve your spouse going to great lengths to hide their addiction. While it may seem like a simple solution to divorce a drug addict, it’s usually not that easy. You’ve invested a life with this person and you love them. You share a life together and kids may be involved.

Being a spouse of an addict can be a convoluted venture if you don’t have the right guidance. You may put yourself at risk of being in a co-dependent relationship. Addressing your spouse’s addiction may feel overwhelming. You may not know what to say to an addict you love. This can leave you quietly dealing with a drug addict spouse which makes everyone in the family dynamic miserable. If your spouse is functioning as they normally did in their work or home life, it may be even harder to detect a problem. You might also be on the edge of denial and just beginning to wonder if it’s possible your spouse is suffering from addiction.

“Get your spouse help from our 28-Day Rehab Program – Designed to help them avoid relapse and maintain long-term sobriety.”

Statistics show that two-thirds of domestic violence stems from alcohol abuse. If your spouse abuses drugs, they will shut down communication on you to hide their addiction. Substance abuse and addiction lead to unhappy relationships, further problems for everyone involved and usually separation/divorce. Can a marriage survive drug addiction? It certainly can. It starts with knowing how to read the signs and symptoms of substance abuse.

If you’ve never experienced someone with an addiction, here are some signs and symptoms your loved one may be struggling with substance abuse.

What Are the Physical Symptoms of Someone Abusing Drugs or Alcohol?

What Are the Physical Symptoms of Someone Abusing Drugs or Alcohol?

  1. Change in sleep patterns – An addicted spouse is most certainly going to affect you. Your relationship will deeply suffer and often you won’t even be sleeping with them often. People who are abusing drugs can sleep for long stretches of time when not using and stay up for days on end when they are high. Lack of sleep can cause irritability and an inability to work or function properly.

Studies have been done in length about sleep architecture changes and substance abuse. For example, cocaine will suppress REM sleep and decreases the total amount you get to sleep. Amphetamines are similar. The sativa constituent of Cannabis causes sedation while cannabidiol will cause you to be more active. Heroin causes the user to wake and fall asleep with a slower progression of getting to the REM state. Alcoholism causes major changes in sleep but is also affected by behavioral changes. A sign of alcoholism is that your spouse will stay up past everyone so they can peacefully enjoy drinking.

  1. Disordered eating – Living with an addict you love can be very concerning. Using drugs can cause metabolic changes in the body. Someone who uses alcohol may gain a lot of weight while heroin users lose weight quickly. How addiction affects the spouse is often a sense of concern. This is especially true when your partner stops eating. Nearly half of people who have eating disorders will abuse drugs and alcohol. Their connection as a co-occurring disorder is strong.

Studies have found that 35% of addicts abusing drugs and alcohol will have an eating disorder. The most prevalent substances that coincide with eating disorders include:

  • Alcohol
  • Laxatives
  • Emetics
  • Diuretics
  • Amphetamines
  • Heroin
  • Cocaine
  1. Hygienic habits change – When someone is in the throes of addiction, they may start to ignore some essential self-care habits, including hygiene. If you are noticing less self-care (such as showering or not doing laundry), this may be a red flag. When you wonder why do addicts hurt the ones they love, Know that their lack of care for themselves proves they’re not even loving themselves.
  2. Eyes – Eyes can become itchy, dry, and bloodshot. Pupils may be dilated due to reactions to certain drugs. The yellowing of eyes, along with skin, can be a symptom of liver dysfunction. The redness happens because the tiny blood vessels on the eye get dilated, causing inflammation. If your spouse is a heavy drinker, they may have depleted the body’s nutrients that would normally promote eye health. This is known as alcoholic optic neuritis. Signs like this are an important step to knowing how to deal with a spouse with addiction. When confronted, they won’t be able to deny the physical symptoms you can so clearly see.
  3. Nose – Sniffling, sneezing and bloody noses can be indicators of huffing or inhaling of substances such as paint or powders. Snorting cocaine would be the most common way to use it. The nose filters air and allows you to breathe. When someone snorts chemicals up their nose, they burn the skin lining of the nose which is delicate. It can be extremely painful and occurs through excessive snorting.
  4. Physical marks – Injection sites at the creases of elbows or between other appendages may create “track marks” or visible scars and cuts on the body. If you are living with an addict, they will probably try to prevent you from seeing the proof of drug abuse. This might include wearing long sleeve shirts and long pants even in hot weather.
  5. Itching – Chronic itching and skin picking can be caused by drug interactions that interfere with histamine in the body. An addicted spouse may also feel like their skin is crawling. They may even perceive bugs crawling on them that aren’t there. This can occur when abusing cocaine or methamphetamines. This includes Ritalin and Ativan.
  6. Skin color – The skin, the body’s largest organ, can be affected by drug use. Alcohol use can make the skin blotchy and red. Methamphetamines can cause sores on the face, in the mouth and on other areas of the body. Malnutrition, exhaustion, and dehydration can cause the skin color to change and spots may appear. A spouse addict may begin to appear old very quickly.
  7. Seizure activity – If your addicted mate has no past or familial history of epilepsy, seizure activity can be explained by the use of illicit drugs. All drugs directly affect the brain and many can cause a seizure if misused. Delirium tremens in heavy, long-term drinkers will occur if they withdraw from alcohol.
  8. Substances and drug paraphernalia – If these items are found around the house, car and/or office, it’s a certain indicator that substance abuse is taking place. If you are a husband or wife of an addict, be conscious of these items hiding around the house:
    • Rolling papers and cigars
    • Roach clips
    • Bongs and hookahs
    • Pipes
    • Tin foil
    • Needles and small spoons
    • Straws, paper tubes
    • Small mirrors, razor blades or cards
    • Surgical/dust mask
    • Lollipops and pacifiers
    • Aerosol cans, tubes of glue, balloons, nozzles, or rags

Emotional and Behavioral Symptoms of Drug Abuse

Emotional and Behavioral Symptoms of Drug Abuse Your Spouse May Be Experiencing

  1. Acting secretively, suspiciously – Spouses will begin to act secretively because they are hiding something. For example, a drug addict husband shows no remorse for the lies he tells. Supporting a partner in addiction can take a lot of patience because you’re constantly being lied to. Drug use can cause people to not act as they would normally. In efforts to hide their addiction, they may act more secretive or lie.
  2. No longer interested in hobbies – You may notice when living with an addict that they stop doing the things they used to do. They lose interest in things that used to matter. When drugs are abused, addicts often give up their normal hobbies like reading, exercising, playing video games or sports. This is also a big red flag for adolescents who may stop attending their extracurricular activities.
  3. Mood swings – Your addicted partner will be going through major changes in their life as they get more dependent on their drug of choice. The up’s and down’s of high’s and withdrawals can make someone upset and irritable. If you notice mood swings, anxiety, or unreasonable reactions to events, take note. When dealing with a drug addict spouse, you may find that they are remorseful one moment and on the defense the next. As symptoms of addiction worsen, they will go through more intense withdrawals. This can cause depression, irritability, fatigue, and anxiousness.
  4. New friends – It’s not easy to know how to deal with a spouse with addiction. They may start to spending time with new, questionable people. Drugs have to come from somewhere. If your spouse is making new friends with suspicious people, it may be because that’s how they are obtaining their drugs. These may also be people that use drugs together and bond over their mutual addiction.
  5. Loss of friends – Just as they make new friends, they begin to let go of long-term meaningful relationships. When drugs take over an addict’s life, they often abandon their friends for their drug of choice. They stop hanging out, seeking friendship and their friends may take notice of changed behavior.
  6. No longer motivated – A drug or alcohol abuser may no longer be motivated to do basic things like chores, shower and go to work or school. When not using, they may be lethargic and depressed. When your addicted spouse is addicted to substances, the brain becomes affected. The dopamine levels that are heightened through drug use stop being naturally produced. This causes overall exhaustion and fatigue that make it hard to do anything.
  7. Poor job performance – One of the hardest parts on how to deal with a spouse with addiction is the fear that they will lose their job. Drug addicts can get to the point where all they care about is getting their drug of choice. Their workplace may be reaching out to you or giving warnings to your spouse on their work performance. They may be taking more (unexplained) time off or leaving work early.
  8. Inattentive – Drugs may be preoccupying the addicted partners’ mind leading them to have a hard time holding a conversation and complete tasks. Some spouses talk about their loved one becoming a “shell of their old selves.” They are no longer interested in you or anything that gave them pleasure in the past besides the substance they abuse.

What Are the Specific Drugs My Spouse May Be Using? Know the Signs

What Are the Specific Drugs My Spouse May Be Using? Know the Signs

Every drug has different side effects. Some depress the central nervous system, while others create hallucinations and excite a person. Learn more about the signs and symptoms of specific, common substances.

Heroin or Other Opioids

Heroin or Other Opioids

With abuse of prescription opioid painkillers on the rise since the ’90s, heroin has become a commonly used substitute for the prescribed pills. According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM), “Drug overdose is the leading cause of accidental death in the US, with 52,404 lethal drug overdoses in 2015. Opioid addiction is driving this epidemic, with 20,101 overdose deaths related to prescription pain relievers, and 12,990 overdose deaths related to heroin in 2015.”

Signs your partner is using prescription opiates or heroin may include:

  1. Track marks and collapsed veins – Is my husband doing drugs behind my back? This might be something you’ve wondered. Nothing is more tell-tale than the marks of heroin use that can be found on the body. Since heroin is usually intravenously administered, your loved one may have markings on their body at injection sites.
  2. Dramatic weight loss Opioids can change the body’s metabolism. Often dramatic weight loss occurs.
  3. Odd drug paraphernalia – You may find white powdery residue, foil, gum wrappers, small plastic bags, and pipes. Look out for this evidence of drug use which could indicate your spouse is an addict.
  4. Other body changes – Women may lose their menstrual cycle while using heroin and other opioids. Alcoholics may experience a change in their body. Often, the stomach will get bigger due to the liver being incapable of managing the toxins.
  5. Constant drowsiness – When on an opioid, the central nervous system is depressed. When dealing with a drug addict spouse taking opioids, you may find them to be out of it quite often. Opioids make users euphoric but sleepy and “out of it.” They are unable to hold conversations, drive a motor vehicle, and also may not be able to walk.

Cocaine

Cocaine

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), “Cocaine is a powerfully addictive stimulant drug made from the leaves of the coca plant native to South America. Although health care providers can use it for valid medical purposes, such as local anesthesia for some surgeries, cocaine is an illegal drug. As a street drug, cocaine looks like a fine, white, crystal powder. Street dealers often mix it with things like cornstarch, talcum powder, or flour to increase profits. They may also mix it with other drugs such as the stimulant amphetamine.”

Signs your addicted spouse may be abusing cocaine:

  1. Anxious behavior – This stimulant drug makes people feel energized (even if they haven’t slept in days). They may be talking more quickly and unable to sit still. They will often get a bit agitated while they talk or act boisterous. Physically, your addicted partner may also get the sweats.
  2. Falling asleep after periods of wakefulness – Again, people using cocaine or other stimulants may be energized while using, but while coming off the drug may sleep for unreasonably long periods of time. Often, people with a cocaine addiction will go on benders for days. They don’t get any sleep so when the cocaine does finally run out, they are severely depleted of nutrients and sleep.

Alcohol

Alcohol

This commonly used substance is easy to obtain because of its legal status. Many people misuse alcohol but some fall victim to addiction from it.  According to the 2015 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), 15.1 million adults ages 18 and older (6.2 percent of this age group) had alcohol use disorder. This includes 9.8 million men (8.4 percent of men in this age group) and 5.3 million women (4.2 percent of women in this age group). Many people in the U.S. are supporting a partner with addiction and trying to help them with recovery.

Some signs your loved one may be addicted to alcohol include:

  1. Drinking at any opportunity – When you are the partner of an addict, you may notice that they take every opportunity they can to drink. They create special occasions out of everything that allows them the opportunity to drink. Also, they habitually drink during certain times of the day. When they just get home, during lunch breaks and all weekend. You may start noticing your loved one is never without a drink in hand. This is often sugar-coated by natural reasons why it’s okay to drink. The problem is, your addicted spouse is doing it because his body is going through withdrawal.
  2. Hangovers – If you notice that your spouse is always hung over, this is a sign that they’re a problem drinker. Your loved one may be having trouble getting out of bed in the morning day after day. The withdrawal symptoms of alcohol can cause headaches, dehydration, and fatigue. This is usually a chronic problem for someone who drinks excessively often.
  3. Secretly drinking – It’s hard supporting a partner with addiction, especially if they are trying to hide their problems. Your addicted partner will add alcohol to drinks like soda or juice to make it seem like they are not drinking. An even bigger red flag is if they are doing this at inappropriate times like at venues where alcohol isn’t allowed or in the car while driving
  4. Binge drinking – Alcoholics often have a higher tolerance for alcohol. This is obviously due to the amount they drink. Drinking every day causes tolerance to increase so it takes an addicted spouse more alcohol to get the desired effect. An alcohol abuser may drink five or more drinks in a short sitting as opposed to over the course of many hours.

How to Help Your Spouse Beat Addiction Without Enabling Them

How to Help Your Spouse Beat Addiction Without Enabling Them

Can a marriage survive drug addiction? It can but there needs to be some understanding and patience on your part. There also needs to be the desire to abstain by your addicted partner.

If you are currently married to a spouse with an addiction, there are some things that you may want to consider doing for yourself. When you help yourself, you also help your addicted spouse. Being in a relationship with a recovering addict could bring a lot of depth to your relationship.

Avoid Denial – It is hard to come to terms with the reality that your spouse is addicted to a substance. The stigma associated with addiction causes you to automatically avoid the reality going on in your house. Denial can put you in a situation or co-dependency which causes you to lose yourself within someone else’s problems. Facing addiction is key.

Read Up On Addiction – The person you love is still in there. You will understand this better as you begin to read up on what addiction does to a person. There is group support for family members of addicts that can bring you a better understanding. Also, a treatment specialist and online information can be helpful if you’re supporting a partner with addiction.

Learn About Codependent Relationships – It’s important to understand how you fit into your spouse’s addiction. How is it affecting you or your children? You might be experiencing problems within your psyche from handling an addict as a spouse. When you focus all your effort on a spouse who is addicted, you end up with your own codependency disorder. If you can come to understand that, you can start to make changes.

No More Enabling – It’s hard to know what to say to an addict you love. The thing is, when you say nothing, you enable them to continue to hurt themselves. It might seem like the nice thing to do but you’re allowing your spouse to continue their substance abuse while you say nothing. You are likely going to have to give your partner an ultimatum. If they refuse treatment, there will be consequences. Life after leaving an addict, should it get to that point, may bring you peace if they refused to get help.

Find a Support Group – It’s important to talk with other people that know what you’re going through. Support groups for spouses dealing with addiction from their loved ones can help you find the tools you need to help. They also make you feel less isolated and you have a greater understanding of what your addicted partner is going through.

First, it’s important to remember your addicted spouse isn’t who they used to be. In their addiction, they only live for their high, and although you should not forgive them for the things they do while high, it’s important to detach yourself. They must be allowed to suffer the consequences of their addiction, and you must be allowed to live your life safely away from their drug abuse. The most important thing you can do is have an honest conversation with them and help them get into a good rehabilitation facility. Only then will they be able to get the help they need.

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29 Clear Signs That Your Spouse is an Addict

2019-07-08T21:11:46+00:00May 16th, 2018|18 Comments

18 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Morgan February 8, 2019 at 3:23 pm - Reply

    So i have a boyfriend and he is having sever anger and mood swings. I am beeging to think he is dong drugs

    • Avatar
      NorthPoint Staff February 15, 2019 at 5:39 pm - Reply

      Sorry to hear that you suspect drug use for your boyfriend! You can have him take a drug test, or you can talk to him about drug use. If you suspect he isn’t being honest then the next steps are up to you. You can reach out to drug rehab for him – we are here 24/7 at 855-502-3430 or you can move on.

  2. Avatar
    Mimi March 23, 2019 at 2:00 pm - Reply

    I left my husband after finding out he was using drugs. He tested positive for cocaine and later meth which he denies. He said he relapsed and will never do it again. He continues to be broke and we are losing our house to foreclosure. He attends meetings and says he’s clean but I can’t believe a word that comes out his mouth because all he does is lie! We attend church together and he constantly wants to pray together and says he’s clean. How can I tell if he’s really clean? His skin does look a little better and only gained a little weight but nothing drastic and is still very thin for a man.

    • Avatar
      NorthPoint Staff April 3, 2019 at 4:50 pm - Reply

      If you want to know if he is truly clean you can always have him take another drug test and see if he tests clean. If he looks better and his behavior has changed back to how it was prior to him using then it is possible he has stopped. We wish you both the best!

  3. Avatar
    DC March 24, 2019 at 4:47 am - Reply

    My husband is a meth addict for the past 3 1/2 years. He’s 54 yrs old and it’s just too much for me. We have a teenager who’s also caught in this whole mess. Our marriage, love, family and business have all suffered and are just about over because of his addiction. We’ve been together almost 30 years and I’m beside myself. It’s like living with dr. Jeckyl & mr Hyde. He’s a shell of his former self. It’s now obvious through his behavior at home when he’s used. But to the outside world, no one would think he’s an addict.
    I feel like I’m going crazy. He doesn’t fit the typical mold of drug addict. He’s older, we have our own business – which is suffering – and is very intelligent.
    I want to leave & take our son but I can’t afford it financially.

    • Avatar
      NorthPoint Staff April 3, 2019 at 4:45 pm - Reply

      So sorry you are going through this with your husband! Feel free to call us at 855-999-9726 or visit us online to find out all your options to get him help https://www.northpointwashington.com/contact-us.php

    • Avatar
      SC August 1, 2019 at 3:54 pm - Reply

      DC,
      I can relate to you, you are not alone in this. I am dealing with a similar situation.

  4. Avatar
    Nicole April 24, 2019 at 7:06 pm - Reply

    My husband smokes weed and does cocanie. He says he needs to do drugs just to be happy. He is having really bad mood swings, he forgets things all the time. He isn’t the man I married and I’m trying my best to help him but I don’t know how. I just don’t know how much longer I can take of this. I honestly do love him and don’t want to lose him. He just needs help. How can I help him.

    • Avatar
      NorthPoint Staff April 25, 2019 at 10:18 pm - Reply

      Sorry to hear about the struggles with your husband. Feel free to call us 24/7 at 877-501-3775 or visit us online anytime at https://www.northpointwashington.com/contact-us.php to find out the options you have.

    • Avatar
      rachael August 19, 2019 at 11:27 pm - Reply

      hi I have just read your post I’m in a relationship 1 year in and its at a point my partner of 52 wants to move into mine he lives with his mum pays her nothing he is on cocaine is increasingly doing it more and more and too the point weekends when I See him one day when he is high all is great next day just sleeps I have lost all self confidence he is argumentative he blames me so much i don’t feel I am strong enough too say nope this isn’t going too work whilst your on that stuff and smoking weed, people say run to the hills but I LOVE HIM and that is the problem and I’m lonely.

  5. Avatar
    Losthope July 27, 2019 at 4:55 am - Reply

    I am a disabled vet. I take painkillers and muscle relaxers. My wife has, for years, taken my pills.

    For every one pill I take, she will take two. My 30 day supply is gone in less than two weeks.

    When confronted, she will deflect, then verbally attack.

    Our marriage of 15 years is over.

    I just needed to share that before I go crazy.

    Thank you and goodbye.

    • Avatar
      NorthPoint Staff August 1, 2019 at 3:54 pm - Reply

      So sorry you are going through this! Hopefully, you can discuss this with her and get her the help she needs. Please feel free to reach out, if you need help for her. We are available via phone (855) 848-1820 or online at https://www.northpointwashington.com/contact-us.php We wish you both all the best!

  6. Avatar
    Tina July 28, 2019 at 6:44 am - Reply

    I have read the sad problems of addicts who Constantly Lie about not useing when in Reality they are…I am going thru the same problem with my ex-husband/friend of 30 years and he has been going to AA meetings but hides in his bedroom for hours at a time and when he finely comes out of his bedroom he walks slow and talks slow and i watch fred eating late at night.not to mention he has been caught bringing a plastic cup in his cup holder in his car and when i spotted it he started to cop-an Attitude twords me.im so sick and tired of his lies all the time and i know hes not going to be honest with me’ but he leaves 3 seperate times per day and says he’s going to an AA meeting and i drove over to the AA meeting and yes i seen his car there. But why is he going to meeting and relapseing in secret?? Its so weird what he is doing! It Defeats the true Purpose of getting help from attending AAmeetings? Why? Why the games ?? He is hurting me and he dosent even realize it………? i wish i had the courage to leave him for good.

    • Avatar
      NorthPoint Staff August 1, 2019 at 3:52 pm - Reply

      Have you considered trying to get him to take a drug test? That way you can truly know if he is hiding substance abuse. Another idea would be to hold an intervention and let him know how much it is hurting you. It is never easy to confront those we love, but it may be for his best interest. We wish you both all the best!

  7. Avatar
    Aniya September 2, 2019 at 8:54 pm - Reply

    I’m married to an addict. He gives up then goes back to it. He suffers from mental health problems now when not on cocaine talks to himself. He has lost everything spent so much on his habit. An now I am fearful he relapses again an goes on another bender an spends all. When he on drugs he cares about no one when he not on it remembers he has a family. Do I leave him or stay? How many times will he put me through this cycle of lies an addiction

    • Avatar
      NorthPoint Staff September 5, 2019 at 3:29 pm - Reply

      Every person is different, so there isn’t any right answer for how many times he will continue this cycle of addiction. If you want to discuss the options for getting him help, please give us a call at (888) 659-1108 or visit us online at https://www.northpointwashington.com/contact-us.php

  8. Avatar
    peggy September 5, 2019 at 6:18 am - Reply

    I don’t know what to do, my husband is an alcoholic, and snorts hydrocodone. I am honest with him, I don’t enable him, but his family does. they give him 400 dollars week, so all he does is sleep and drink. I already beg them to stop. they are helping him die. I feel helpless. why can’t they see, they aren’t helping him? all they are doing is helping him died faster

    • Avatar
      NorthPoint Staff September 5, 2019 at 3:27 pm - Reply

      Have you tried discussing rehab options with him and/or holding an intervention with him and his family? Sorry you are going through all this, feel free to give us a call and discuss your options (888) 659-1108 or visit us online at https://www.northpointwashington.com/contact-us.php

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