Addiction and Your Parents

"There's nothing that can compare to the stress of having an addicted parent. This is someone who was your caregiver since you were a baby. You've looked up to this person for your entire life. Now, they're making decisions that you don't agree with, and you don't know what to do.

"For me, the problem I had was with my dad. I remember him using when I was young, but just barely. I think my mom tried to shield me from it as much as she could. By the time I was a teenager, the drug and alcohol use had gotten way out of control. It got to the point where my parents had to separate, and he still continued to use. Actually, I think that was when he started getting into the harder drugs. Heroin and crystal meth were his drugs of choice; along with the alcohol, of course.

"Today, not much has changed. My dad looks about 20 years older than he is. He appears to be wasting away, but he's not motivated to do anything to change it. It breaks my heart to see him in this state, and I can't help but feel hopeless. I wish there was something I could do to help him. My biggest fear is that he's too far gone, and that it's too late for him."

When you have an addicted parent, it can turn your entire world upside down. It doesn't matter if your parent used when you were a child or not. If the addiction is new or old, as an adult, it's still a difficult situation to cope with.

Does Your Parent Have an Alcohol Addiction or Drug Addiction? What to Look for

You may know that your parent's drug abuse or alcohol abuse is a problem. However, you're not really sure it qualifies as an actual addiction. Maybe your mom or dad doesn't use all the time, but when they do, it's a cause for concern. You'd be surprised how many people feel the exact same way that you do.

Alcohol abuse and drug abuse are very different from addiction. You can identify substance abuse by looking for:

• The presence of alcohol or drug use without feeling the need to use
• The lack of withdrawal symptoms when the individual is not using
• Only a few physical symptoms of substance abuse (bloodshot eyes, hangovers, etc.)
• Few effects on the person's ability to carry out regular responsibilities
• Long or short periods of abstinence

The symptoms of addiction are actually much different than this. They include:

• Experiencing intense cravings for alcohol or drugs
• Going through withdrawal when alcohol or drugs are not available
• Having problems with everyday life because of being dependent on substances
• Relationship problems due to substance use
• Health issues related to drug or alcohol use
• Possible legal problems related to substance use
• Making alcohol or drugs the highest priorities in one's life

Why Did Your Mother or Father Become Addicted to Drugs or Alcohol?

There could be a number of reasons why your parent became addicted to drugs or alcohol. Physically, substance abuse causes increased serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain. The human brain makes these "feel-good" chemicals on its own, normally. Once the person has been using drugs or alcohol for some time, production stops. At that point, the substance takes over. This is why addicts often say that they don't feel like themselves unless they're using.

Emotionally or psychologically, there could be several reasons why your mom or dad became addicted. Many times, addictions are caused by co-occurring disorders. These are additional conditions that people often suffer from that lead them to use.

It's also possible that your parent has anger issues, and using helps him or her cope. Maybe there is a panic disorder present, and using drugs or alcohol keeps symptoms at bay. Regardless of what the underlying issue is, drug treatment or alcohol treatment is needed to address it. Otherwise, the addiction is likely to persist and continue.

Are You Enabling Your Drug Addicted or Alcoholic Parent?

You may be enabling your parent's addiction to continue without knowing it. This happens pretty frequently within families; especially when parents are the addicts. When you enable an addict, it seems as though you're helping them, but really, you are not. Enabling only allows the addiction to continue, and even get worse as time goes on.

If you're doing any of the above, you're doing it out of love and the goodness of your heart. However, it's important for enabling to stop.

Ways to Stop Enabling, but Still be Supportive to Parents

You may not have known that you were enabling your parent's addiction. Now that you know, you want to stop what you're doing. This is best achieved by having a conversation with your mom or dad ahead of time.

This is a conversation that's probably going to be difficult for you to have. However, in the long run, it will be so beneficial to your mom or dad. Please keep that in mind. Talk with your parent and let them know that you're not going to be able to continue doing what you're doing. If you're paying their bills, let them know you're finished doing that. If you're bringing food, tell them you won't be able to do that any longer. They'll want to know why, and you can explain to them that you feel it's allowing them to continue to use.

These are all manipulative statements that are designed to get you to give in. Don't. It will be for the best in the long-term.

"My Parent is an Addict, and I Need Support. Where Can I Turn?"

It's understandable if you're under a lot of stress. Anyone would be in your situation. Sometimes the families of addicts spend so much time caring for their loved ones, they fail to care for themselves. This is only going to harm you, and it does nothing to help your addicted family member.

There are many things you can do to get help for yourself. Some examples include:

• Attending Al-Anon meetings. Al-Anon is an organization that was designed for addicts' families. You'll get the support you need from others in similar situations.
• Attending Nar-Anon meetings. Nar-Anon is an organization that helps families of people with drug addictions.
• Consider talking with a therapist. It's so helpful to sit down with a professional and discuss the challenges in your life.
• Get support online for families of addictions through groups like The Tribe. They are designed to offer you the help you need from the comfort of your own home.
• Take some time for yourself to heal. Do some activities that you enjoy, spend time with your friends, and make time for your own family.

What is an Intervention and How Can it Help Your Mom or Dad?

It is quite likely that your mom or dad isn't going to respond well to your pleas for drug rehab or alcohol rehab. If this is the case, it's important for you to know you have another option. It may be time to consider a professional intervention.

You can get intervention services from a drug treatment or alcohol treatment program that offers them. During an intervention, you and other friends and family hold a meeting with your parent. You take turns talking about the addiction, and you each ask your parent to get treatment.

An interventionist will be there to guide the meeting. At the end, an opportunity will be presented for addiction treatment. Your parent will be able to go immediately, and many times, they do.