Addiction and Your Dad

"As I became an adult, my dad's addiction just seemed normal to me at first. I think it must be because I grew up with it. I saw it as something that he did, but not necessarily anything I wanted to copy. I'm thankful for that. As the years have gone by, I've noticed that he's becoming more and more distant. He seems to be completely wrapped up in his addiction; even more so than when I was younger.

"I've watched him go downhill quickly over the last year or so. Honestly, it's scary. I don't want to lose my dad, but I don't know how to intervene at this point. I don't know if it's too late to help him. My brothers and sisters are also at a loss. We'd love some direction on what we can do get him some help."

If your father is an alcoholic or a drug addict, you certainly have some unique challenges. Families with addicted fathers often struggle because they don't know how to help. If your parents are still together, your mom is probably suffering just as much as you are.

Fortunately, you've found this page. We have some information for you that can help you during this critical time for your family.

Recognizing the Signs of Drug Addiction or Alcoholism in Your Dad

You may be well aware of your father's substance abuse problem. However, in order to help, you need to know if he has an actual addiction. You'd be surprised how many families miss some of the signs of addiction. Sometimes they can be subtle; especially if your father is a high functioning alcoholic or addict. You can learn to recognize the symptoms of addiction just by observing your dad. You can look for the following physical signs of addiction:

• Glassy, red or bloodshot eyes
• Problems with speaking clearly
• Medical problems that are tied to drugs or alcohol
• Pain throughout the body
• Memory loss or confusion

Sometimes it's easier to identify an addiction by looking at some behavioral signs. These might include:

• Experiencing cravings for alcohol or drugs
• Becoming angry, upset or even violent when substances aren't available
• Experiencing withdrawal symptoms
• Needing to use higher amounts of drugs or alcohol to get the same results
• Attempting to stop using on one's own without success

Denial Can Strike the Children of Addicted Fathers Too

When you hear the word denial, you probably think of an addict who doesn't want to stop using. Unfortunately, denial can be a problem for the families of alcoholics or addicts as well. So many children of addicted fathers fail to recognize that there is a problem. They may not want to come to terms with the fact that their dad is struggling, and needs help.

It's possible that your father's addiction has been in the back of your mind for quite some time. You may have even known it was there for years, you just couldn't deal with it.

By denying that your dad is an addict, you're only allowing it to continue. That might be difficult for you to hear, but it's a truth you need to know. Once you are able to accept this fact, the easier it will be for you to be there for him.

Enabling Your Addicted or Alcoholic Dad, and How to Stop

Denial is one way that children of addicts will enable their fathers to keep using. There are so many other ways that you might be enabling your dad in his addiction. You may not have even thought of these behaviors as enabling. However, anything that makes it easier for your dad to use drugs or alcohol falls into this category.

Why is Your Dad a Drug or Alcohol Addict?

There could be so many reasons why your dad became a drug addict or an alcoholic. While it's impossible to say what it was in your particular situation, professional counseling can uncover the reason. Your father may have turned to alcohol or drugs because:

• He was experiencing some stress at work and wanted to use to unwind
• He was having relationship problems that drove him to use drugs or drink
• He had a mental health condition, and substances were a way to relieve symptoms. This is known as a co-occurring disorder.
• He had financial problems that he felt he couldn't handle on his own.
• He had a parent who was also an addict, and that influenced his behaviors.

How to Help Your Father with His Addiction

More than anything, you want to help your dad stop using drugs or alcohol. There are a few different ways you can do this.

Have a Conversation with Your Dad

You may want to first have a conversation with your dad. If you decide to do this, do it during a time when he hasn't been using. Prepare what you're going to say beforehand. Try to keep it short and concise. Give specific examples of behaviors that you see as a problem. Point these out to him and ask him to get help.

He may get angry with you for bringing it up. If you're worried that he might get violent, bring a brother or sister with you for support.

Schedule an Intervention for Your Dad

Your father may not respond very well to you having a conversation with him about his addiction. This is to be expected. People will frequently become defensive, or deny that they have a problem. He may tell you he plans to quit using on his own as soon as he can. These are only empty promises, and it's not his fault he can't fulfill them. He has an addiction that requires a different approach.

You may want to consider intervention services for your dad. He is much more likely to agree to drug treatment or alcohol treatment after an intervention. You and others in your family will have the chance to sit down with him and explain your concerns. The meeting will be guided by an interventionist. At the end, your dad will be given the option to get treatment. He'll need to make a decision right away. Most of the time, people do agree to addiction treatment.