Coping with Losing my Son to an Overdose


“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”

~ Washington Irving

Heart Breaking Drug Overdose That Changed My Life

I never thought that I would have to face the reality of losing my son to a drug overdose. We tend to see the ones we love in the best light, and I always firmly held the belief that he would, one day, overcome his addiction completely. Like many in his situation, my son had better weeks and months, when it looked like he may have been able to kick the drug habit altogether. Everyone I talked to, from support groups to counselors, told me that it was possible. The addiction itself would not go away, but it was possible that my son would be able to get the help that he needed not only to get sober, but to stay sober the rest of his life.

But that is not what happened.

“We treat both addiction and co-occurring disorders and accept many health insurance plans. Take a look at our inpatient program.”

Drug Overdose Death of My Son

Instead, the addiction grew too strong and too fast for my son to handle. He passed away just over three years ago due to a drug overdose on his drug of choice. Of course, we saw the signs and symptoms of heavy addiction. This is why we tried getting him the treatment he needed again and again. We knew his addiction was detrimental to his health, and certainly saw the way it was detrimental to his relationships – including his relationship with us. Even if you know what to say to an addict you love, they may not hear it. That’s the tragedy of losing someone you love to a drug that takes over their mind and body.

What we did not see coming was his death from a drug overdose. Maybe it was denial, at least in part, but I simply did not even think of it as a possibility. As a result, it took a long time to forgive myself for the death of my son.

It is no easy thing to cope with the grief experienced after the loss of a child or loved one, I know. I also know that my experience is not unique. I know that thousands of parents have lost children across the country to an epidemic of accidental drug overdoses. If you have lost a loved one to drug overdose, maybe some of the following suggestions will help you cope as they have helped me over the past several years.

everyone grieves differently

#1 – Let Yourself Grieve the Loss of Your Child

It will not do anyone (including yourself) any good to simply shut down. Grief manifests in many different ways. Some will cry, some will lash out in anger, some will completely shut down, and some will cycle through all three and more. While seeing a counselor, or even talking to a supportive friend, can help you deal with your grief in a healthy way, it is important to realize that grief is not a weakness. Tears are not a failure to cope. They are part of the process, and often the very first step toward overcoming grief altogether.

Because of the stigma associated with drug addiction, many family members grieving the loss of a loved one to a drug overdose may not even allow themselves to grieve their loss. Do not let guilt and shame stop you from grieving altogether. Thankfully, there are many resources available to families who are coping with the death of a loved one to a drug overdose. Whether you contact a counselor in your area or connect with a support group, consider reaching out to others to help you through the grieving process. Rebuilding relationships in recovery is a necessary part of the process.

Release Yourself from Self-Blame

#2 – Release Yourself from Self-Blame

In coping with the loss of a child or a loved one to a drug overdose, it is important to understand addiction for what it truly is: a mental disease that can be treated, but not cured. We aren’t always equipped to know how to help significant other with addiction. We can try our hardest and even take all the right steps but if they aren’t willing to help themselves, we can’t help them either. For a long time, I blamed myself for the death of my son. I asked myself what I could have done different or better, what would have saved his life. But eventually I came to an important realization: I couldn’t have done anything differently. It is not my fault that my son overdosed on drugs, nor is it the fault of anyone else. If you start to feel this kind of self-blame, take the time to remind yourself of the following truths:

  • It is not your fault that your loved one was addicted
  • It is not your fault that your loved one overdosed
  • There is nothing more that you could have done
  • Experiencing grief does not mean accepting guilt, shame, or blame

Consider Doing Something to Help Others Avoid Overdose

#3 – Consider Doing Something to Help Others Avoid Overdose

Taking action may not be for everyone, but doing something to help other drug addicts and their families avoid the same fate can go a long way toward helping you deal with your own loss. For me, this meant volunteering for a center that provided quality drug and alcohol abuse information to the community. There are many nonprofit organizations that involve volunteers in their services, from manning drug information hotlines to staffing information centers.

Of course, this was not easy and did not come right away. It was only after a couple of years that I was able to learn how to cope with the loss of my son and turn my grief into something productive for others. This is not meant to pressure you into doing something you do not want to do, but instead a suggestion for keeping yourself busy while simultaneously providing help to those who are facing a similar situation that you experienced first hand.

Join A Support Group

#4 Join A Support Group

My grief for the loss of my son through a drug overdose is still hard to articulate. A part of me died with him. I was dealing with a drug addict spouse after our son died because my husband couldn’t handle the pain. Life was overwhelming and I was not coping well. Part of the difficulty of losing a child to a drug overdose is the stigma attached to it. You really have a hard time talking to others who haven’t experienced it.

I felt guilt, anger, hopelessness, and a sense of shame. I felt isolated and didn’t want to face anyone I knew. This is where attending a support group really helped me. The parents in the group were going through what I went through. Having someone understand my struggles was helpful in healing my heart. At first, I joined a support group online because I wasn’t ready to talk to people face to face about my pain. The benefits of joining a support group for me was that I felt less alone in my grief. Finding a support group was easy enough.

I joined the Compassionate Friends online community. There was family support for all members which was really helpful. There was a lot of resources online and a helpful group of people that got me opening up about my pain. They also have chapters all over the U.S. so I started to attend some of the meetings in my area. I found this group helpful for not only opening up to the death of my son due to overdose. I also got the tools to teach me how to deal with a recovering drug addict husband.

“Get your loved one the help they need. Our substance use disorder program accepts many health insurance plans, this is our residential program.”

GRASP (Grief Recovery After Substance Passing) was available in my area. They hold meetings with an emphasis on understanding and compassion. Here, I was able to find support and also support others who lost someone they loved to a drug overdose. Knowing I wasn’t alone was a priceless gift. I also joined their facebook page where I was able to connect with people online. Sometimes, I just needed to talk to someone ‘right now’ and one of the members were always available.

Don’t Abuse/Turn to Alcohol or Drugs

#5 – Don’t Abuse/Turn to Alcohol or Drugs

Like I mentioned, my spouse had a hard time coming to terms with the death of our son. This caused him to repress the feelings he had. It became so uncomfortable for him that he started to use prescription drugs to manage his anxiety. In a letter to my drug addict husband, I asked him to seek help and stop abusing drugs to numb his pain.

It was equally as hard for me to deal with losing a son to a drug overdose. Turning to drugs and alcohol prolongs the grieving process. Eventually, it’s going to surface regardless of how much you numb yourself. It’s hard to cope with the feelings that arise but I firmly believed that taking the route my son did use drugs made very little sense. I wanted to heal and I knew it would take feeling the intensity of the situation to get there. My husband’s journey to healing was much more difficult and took much longer. He not only had to overcome his addiction but he had to go through the grieving process he had avoided. Turning to drugs and alcohol will only make things worse despite the instant gratification of numbing yourself.

Give Yourself Time to Heal

#6 Give Yourself Time to Heal

The grieving process that I went through from the death of my son was intense. I actually tried to go to work after the funeral but nothing felt okay in me. That was obvious to everyone at my workplace and thankfully, my boss told me to take the time I needed to heal. I almost didn’t like the insinuation at the time that I was not okay. I guess I didn’t want to see it, still going through the denial that my son had died from a drug overdose.

I felt pressured to feel better sometimes. I wanted to be okay but what I realized is you can’t rush the process. My husband went back to work. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings and it caused him to start abusing prescription drugs. I didn’t know how to help my husband with his drug addiction because I was too overwhelmed with grief. Again, it would take time for me to find the power and drive for life again to help anyone but myself.

How to Know if Your Family Member is at Risk of an Alcohol or Drug Overdose

When I realized my son was addicted to heroin, it took a toll on me. I found paraphernalia in his room and at first, I didn’t know what it was. Looking back, I think I was in denial. His whole personality had changed and I knew something was very wrong. Me and my husband were pulled into the dark abyss that our son lived in. I would find out later that this probably wasn’t the right way to manage the situation.

“We accept many health insurance plans. Get your life back in order, take a look at our residential program.”

He would steal money and skip out on school. He was sick a lot which we now know was actually him going through heroin withdrawal. He stopped playing sports and fell out with all of his friends. There were so many consequences that lead to his drug overdose. He also showed many of the common signs of a drug addict. These include:

Cravings – His cravings for heroin got worse as his addiction developed.

Physical dependence – He became physically dependent on heroin because he was using so regularly. This brought on changes to his physiology. He would begin to suffer when heroin wasn’t in his system and he had a hard time functioning. This is when he would be too sick to go to school which increased throughout the addiction.

Tolerance – As my son’s addiction progressed, he became more tolerant to heroin. He needed more to get the desired effects. This is a contributing factor for heroin overdose deaths.

Withdrawal symptoms – When my son didn’t have heroin to use, he would go through withdrawal symptoms.

Poor judgment – My son was a sweet person. Heroin addiction made him do things that were out of his character. I would later realize that he had stolen a lot of valuable items from our home to pay for his heroin addiction. When to give up on an addict is not for me to say but there were times I almost turned my back on my son for the cruel things he did under heroin addiction. He was constantly lying and committing small crimes.

Drug-seeking – My son spent most of his time trying to get drugs. He would either be high, coming down, or looking for drugs.

Financial trouble – My son was asking us for money all the time. When we gave him money, it would be spent the same day and he’d be asking for more. I’ve since learned that people will go beyond their budget in order to purchase drugs.

Neglected responsibilities – With my son, he stopped attending practices for sports and stopped caring about his studies. He would often be caught using heroin when he should have been attending certain activities.

Associating with unhealthy people – My son changed his friend base. He once had good friends that were a positive influence on him. His new friends were shady and I’m sure they all did drugs in one way or another. I didn’t feel comfortable having them in our home.

They isolate themselves – Near the end, my son became quite isolated. He tried to hide his drug problem from everyone. Drug addicts feel ashamed about their problem. They know the stigma associated with drug addiction. He became depressed, anxious, and paranoid.

Heroin drug overdose deaths are the most prevalent. If someone you love is abusing heroin, this is a major concern. It’s important to know what the signs of heroin use is so you can reach out to your loved one right away. The reality is, someone addicted to heroin is between 6-20 times more likely to die in comparison to the general population.

Here are the specific signs of heroin use and addiction:

  • Drug paraphernalia.
  • Using street slang for heroin.
  • Missing money and other valuable items.
  • Problems with the police.
  • Track marks
  • Chipping, (on and off heroin use)

My son got moody and aggressive. He withdrew from the world and heroin became the only thing he could see.

What to do if you Think Your Spouse or Child is at Risk of Drug Overdose

The physical signs and behaviors that my son was showing made it apparent that he was lost in his addiction. It’s hard to know what to say to an addict you love because your heart is so invested in them. An intervention can be helpful because you have a professional that guides you through the process. You are more easily able to focus on the goal which is to get the person you love into rehab. It could just be what saves their life.

If you have an indication of what drug your loved one is taking, find out everything about it. Stick only to facts and try not to let opinions seep into your mind. If you do open up to friends, they may try to give you advice based on little or no knowledge. I did this and it clouded my judgment. What you need to find out is the characteristics and traits of the specific drug you suspect they’re using.

Attending meetings like Al-Anon can be helpful. It helped me talk to others that were going through similar situations. They gave me hope and many tools to manage life with a son who was addicted to heroin. It may not help you and it certainly didn’t help my husband but for me, it was good to be able to talk about what I was going through. Why do addicts hurt the ones they love was a common topic at these meetings, not my problem alone. The belief of Al-Anon meetings is that it’s hard to get control of your life until you surrender to something bigger than yourself. I felt that I was entitled to my own beliefs on what that bigger power was for me.

A professional addiction counselor is recommended if you see that your loved one is out of reach. It should be a counselor that specifically deals with addiction, not a family therapist. If you can speak with a counselor that has gone through a similar situation to your loved one, it can help a great deal.

It’s a good idea to have your loved one be removed from the home and get the addiction treatment they need. Equally as important is to take part in some family therapy. Families are deeply connected and a component to someone successfully recovering from addiction. The National Institute on Drug Abuse, along with the US Department of Health and Human Services strongly recommend family therapy with a substance abuse treatment plan.

What to Do in Case of a Drug Overdose

I wish I had known what to do when I found my son unconscious. When you act quickly upon finding someone overdosing from drugs, you can save their life. If you find someone you love who is experiencing a drug overdose, there are certain things you should do. They include:

  • Stay calm.
  • Call an ambulance immediately.
  • If your loved one is still breathing but not conscious, lay them on their side. Ensure that the airway is open. Do this by tilting the head back and lifting the chin. Continue to check on their breathing until the ambulance arrives.
  • Don’t try to give them anything to eat or drink.
  • Bring whatever drugs or paraphernalia might be around them so the doctors know what kind of drug overdose they are treating.

There is no amount of time anyone can put on you to get past losing your child. I was confused for weeks and angry for months. This was part of the process of healing and it did take a long time to get through the grieving process. I will always miss him and sometimes grief spurts occur today but I can manage my emotions. I see my strength to get through emotional trauma. I let go of trying to be perfect through the grief. I was a mess but I felt what needed to be felt and took the time I needed. This is a necessary part of healing. Make sure to spend the time that you need to come to terms with how you feel.

dont cope alone

I am not an expert grief counselor, so what I say here should be taken with a grain of salt. However, I have gone through the loss of a child to drug overdose, and I know what the grieving process looks like. The most important things to remind yourself of is to let yourself grieve, to release yourself from self-blame, and to consider doing something to help others. If you have experienced something similar, feel free to share your story and your insights in the comments below.

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Coping with losing my Son

2020-01-15T06:56:07+00:00May 21st, 2018|117 Comments


  1. Barbara Ericsson October 31, 2017 at 10:49 am - Reply

    Thank you for sharing. I lost my son to heroin march 9 2016. And feel that your advice can help others do more than just think about it. Spokane wa. William Lee Hubbard age 21. My sons story I feel could save lives.

  2. Sharman Miller November 13, 2017 at 7:53 pm - Reply

    I lost my beautiful son to heroin overdose which caused him to have hypertrophic heart disease at 27 years old… It only happened last December 2016… I want to start my own grief group but I don’t know how, as I feel that it would help others and myself any suggestions?

  3. Fran Reck November 21, 2017 at 4:39 pm - Reply

    So sorry to be reading this blog, searching for answers to alleviate my pain, my family’s heartache. We lost our son October 25, 2017 to a heroin overdose

    • Cynthia Moore December 12, 2017 at 5:51 pm - Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son Oct. 22, 2017 to a heroin overdose. I too, am searching for something to help me through my grief. It us a very hard road. May you find comfort as you travel your path filled with immense sorrow.

    • Denice March 6, 2018 at 2:15 am - Reply

      I lost mine Oct 27,2017 to heroin after 2 years clean. I adopted his 4 yo daughter.

  4. Patty Lassonde December 17, 2017 at 4:09 pm - Reply

    I Lost my son Oct 24, 2017 to a heroin overdose. I’m having a very hard time. He was my only son. I don’t want to hurt myself but the pain is so bad.

    • m December 31, 2017 at 3:46 pm - Reply

      I feel the same, my son also and i cant face iit after nearly 5 years, terrible unspeakable pain. You are not alone, and I understand, sending you love sincerely

  5. Jammie Lash December 20, 2017 at 2:27 pm - Reply

    I just lost my 22 yr old son to a herrion overdose on Nov 29th 2017. Thank you for your article. I have been preparing myself for his death for about 6 months. In someway it’s helping with my grief. I go through times where I cry, get mad, or question myself of what I could of did differently. He started dabbling with drugs when he was 16. Herrion was his last drug of choice. The really sad part of all this is I have a 17 yr old son that really only remembers his older brother high and low. He was to young to remember when my son was the real son before the drugs got a hold of him. My younger son some how seems to be relieved of his brothers death. His older brother never said he was sorry for all get did and stole from him. That bothers my son.
    He don’t cry and is going on with his day to day life. My younger son was the main target. His older brother Always was lying or manuplating him. It’s so sad. I often think of helping others, but not sure where to help.

    Jammie from PA

  6. Anna monaghan December 24, 2017 at 9:13 am - Reply

    I lost my beautiful son to a heroin overdose on 15th march 2017, I miss him so much! He was 35 years old. .

    • m December 31, 2017 at 3:49 pm - Reply

      also my son at nearly 33, such beautiful young men, so proud we always will be. It kills you off ..

  7. Greg December 27, 2017 at 10:20 pm - Reply

    Thanks so much for your story, especially the part about guilt. Just lost my only son Dec 8 2017 from heroin overdose. I am still in the self blame stage. I knew on Thanksgiving that he was in distress, but I did nothing. Omg, why, Doing a lot of crying. Knew my son was an addict for last 7 yrs but never saw this. How will I go on?

    • MADRE December 29, 2017 at 4:06 am - Reply

      I lost my son who just barely turned 20 to overdose of benzodiazepines on 11/30/2017. He was a beautiful soul and I hate myself for not helping him more. His last week was not a good week for either one of us and not only do I feel guilty about that, I wasn’t supportive of him this week and now he is gone and my grief is so immense because i could have been there for him and i wasn’t. I was in complete denial. I brought him to the emergency room Monday 11/27 and begged the Dr. and Social Worker to commit him or at least put him on a 72 hour hold but they treated him like nothing and released him. I told the Dr. how many times does my kid have to overdose before you will help him?(he had a history of at least 6 overdoses at this hospital). I then said i guess maybe you will help him when he comes in here dead. My prediction was right he died at the same hospital 2 days later. I feel awful that I didn’t do more and at least take him to another hospital who most likely would have helped him. What is wrong with me not to take my precious son somewhere else and not get the help he needed. I will never ever get over his death and that I somehow could have prevented it. I just pray my son is at peace and happy and he forgives me.

      • Heather June 13, 2018 at 4:19 am - Reply

        I am so sorry Madre. What is wrong with our system? There has to be a place where our addicted children can stay and get help for more than 30 days before they’re kicked out because their insurance has run out. It should be mandatory for one year in a rehab working on life skills while staying clean.

        I so feel your pain, and your son is at peace and not in pain anymore. His light is inside you, Madre.

      • Jane January 31, 2019 at 3:28 am - Reply

        You begged the Dr. and social worker to hold him for 72 hours. You did what any good mother would do. You are not at fault he was addicted. Give yourself lots of time to grieve. Lots of tears… that helps you heal. Your son would want you to smile and enjoy life. There is nothing to forgive. You are a great mom and you loved your son. I will be praying for you, comfort, strength!! One last thing, PEACE will come with acceptance. My prayers and thoughts are with you!!

      • Kathleen A Hidalgo February 20, 2019 at 2:04 am - Reply

        Madre, I am so sorry for your loss, I’m dealing with similar guilt and it’s gut-wrenching. I went through grief counseling with the grief recovery program and it really helped me. It isn’t either of our faults, we both know this deep down inside, but as mothers, we’re supposed to protect our babies, it’s what we do. But this was not your fault.
        This is the first time I’ve been to this blog, but if you’d like to talk please let me know. Maybe we can help each other. My email is at the bottom.
        May God comfort your heart,

        • Carla Weisman May 30, 2019 at 4:56 pm - Reply

          Hi Kathy,

          I just read your post and wanted to reach out. I have all the same feelings you do and it’s tearing me apart. I lost my son January 30th 2019. He didn’t wake up for college and I found him dead. He was 10 days from his 1 year and had just relapsed. As his mother, I feel that I should have been able to save him. All I cared about the past 5 years was keeping him alive and having him help himself.

          Please reach out. Carlaweisman at me dot com.

          I hope to hear from you.

  8. m December 31, 2017 at 3:57 pm - Reply

    I think I was an absolute idiot but am told I couldnt prevent it, free will and all that, The blame wont ever leave my heart that I should have been there more often, that I missed too much evidence, or somehow didn’t know what to do, he was in a program, he was on the mend. Angry that the most peaceful and lovely soul, my rock, the sparkle in my life left this world. Your brain wont rest, depression sets in, just keep getting all the help you can, and survive, I do understand your feelings and they say depression makes it bad. I am so sorry for all our kids, i really really am, and us with the darkness. x

  9. Sandra December 31, 2017 at 6:57 pm - Reply

    I just lost my son to heroin and other drugs.
    23rd november 2017.
    I fought to save him for over 12 yrs when he started drugs but soon led to heroin.
    He was 32 when he died my heart is broken and the pain unbelievable.
    My younger son 25 only remembers the bad side of his brother even when they were younger because of my older sons mental state of mind.
    I feel i did everything i could to help which almost destroyed my marriage.
    But as a mum i had to care for him,he had nobody else.
    Detox and rehab twice but didnt last.
    Now hes gone i feel alone as its only 5 weeks and my husband doesnt understand why im grieving.
    Says i knew it would happen and hes turned it all into about him feeling lonely because hes not getting attention.
    My other son lives and teaches in china so dont see him enough though he does call me.
    All i want is for my husband to understand and talk to me about my son.
    Why should i hide my grief just to suit him ?

  10. Jack December 31, 2017 at 8:11 pm - Reply

    Hi first so sorry for your loss. I miss my son Dan, age 31 . He was on Heroin living on the streets of San Fran. We lived in very nive western suburbs of Chicago but divorced in 2010 . He started heroin in 2002. Be left home 4 the streets. We did not tell him to go or kick him out. Of course many rehabs etc. I talked 2 him 3 hrs b4 his death. We talked how we loved each other n missed each other n talked about meeting up right after Christmas. He didn’t want to come back to illinois bc he didn’t want to face mail time. Abt 1 1/2 yrs. No matter how much we asked he wouldn’t do it. He was looking forward towards his bday in 2 weeks to be w his mom. 3 hrs later he went around the gate of a passenger railroad track in the city. He sounded clear n fine on the ph n even asked 4 money which I refuse to give until next week. I don’t believe it was suicide. I believe he became anxious as he told me be was feeling that more n more. I can’t say for sure . I do know I feel great pain n blame myself for just not living with me though I know that would be do hard 4 me to do n like I said he didn’t want to come back n never asked to. He also walked out of 2 Rehab places there in 18 months even though he tried hard n waited to get in. He tried so hard to beat this. Yet I feel guilty i didn’t do enough. I love n miss him so much.

  11. Susan January 4, 2018 at 10:57 pm - Reply

    My son died on the 2nd August 2017 he was 18 years old and died from heroin that had been laced with fentanyl. I found him dead in his bed. My heart is broken and I am struggling to come to terms with his death. I feel terrible guilt and that I failed him. In the last few months of his life I told him he could not live at home unless he went to treatment he initially refused and was put into a safe house, I thought he was safe there but what I didn’t know was all it did was make his drug use escalate even more as he felt abandoned and even more alone. He did after a month agree to go to treatment and was in treatment for 7 weeks. We were in the process of moving him home when he died. I feel I wasted the last few months of his precious life and he should have been at home where he was loved not sad and lonely out there. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself for that decision that I made. I just miss him so much. He was just the sweetest boy in the world until drugs stole him from us.

    • Susan January 26, 2018 at 1:15 am - Reply

      Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your story is similar to mine. I lost my only son on June21, 2015. He was just the sweetest person, and smart too, he had the biggest heart. He came to me for help and I wasn’t aware that he had been using heroin… he knew he couldn’t stop on his own and was so afraid. His big sister and her husband took him into their home to get him away from his connections here. We immediately got him into a treatment center, it was only 30 days, little did we know that he wouldn’t stand a change unless he had many months of treatment… he was able to get the 30 shot after he was released from the center. He seemed to be doing well,
      . He enrolled in college again and was working at Homedepot p/t . On Friday morning he relapsed … we lost him. His sister was the one who found him in his bedroom.. she thought he was just taking a nap after working the early morning schedule that day?

    • Melissa September 3, 2018 at 7:07 am - Reply

      My son nose spray laced with fentanyl..he died 12/26/17. He was soooo sad..

  12. Becki January 7, 2018 at 12:58 am - Reply

    My beautiful son Nick overdosed on 12/10/17. Nick was 23 years old. I’m devastated and I find myself searching for a way to cope with it all. I know my life is forever changed. I have 2 other kids I need to go on and live for but I don’t know how I can. Nick was in Los Angeles getting help and left the rehab to go out for the weekend. I have so many questions and I wish he would have stayed where he was. I’m also finding out there are a lot of corrupt people that surround these kids and pray on their weaknesses. Nicks rehab marketer named Brad Puglisi gave him the drugs and got money to get him into the rehab. The rehabs are crooked and in it for the money also. At least some of them. I hope to a least find justice for my son.

  13. Angela January 9, 2018 at 12:30 am - Reply

    My son Cameron died on April 14, 2017 – 8 days before his son’s 2nd birthday. I know he is gone but am still in shock that it has happened. I’ve had a headache since that day and my heart actually hurts. I belong to “GRASP” Grief Recovery After Substance Passing. We meet once a month and I find some comfort being with other parents who understand how I feel. The pain of losing my son is overwhelming and can’t imagine the rest of my life like this. Because of Cam’s addiction I worried consistently about him but never thought life could be so cruel as to take him away. Whoever gave him the drugs laced with fentanal surely knew he may die. So broken hearted.

  14. pat shade January 15, 2018 at 4:34 pm - Reply

    I lost my son to heroin on Sept 5th 2014. I will never be the same, he was my life, my heart and most of the joy in my life, I’m having such a difficult time going through daily life. He was 47 and a very successful orchestra musician (Broadway shows) He was a father of a 22 yr. old daughter and never smoked, drank or did drugs, always the designated driver. It didn’t star until he was in his 40’s and he too got fentanyl laced heroin. My grief and anger are overwhelming. I feel that I can’t find him and I don’t know if he’s ok or if he’s cold or hungry. Mothers are such victims in this scourge that has invaded our lives. I’m afraid I will lose myself and never come back.

  15. Ramona Hensrude January 18, 2018 at 2:01 am - Reply

    I just learned today that the son of dear friends passed away in his sleep last night. We don’t know the cause of death but suspect a combination of drugs and alcohol. He was waiting to be seen for evaluation of bipolar disorder. His manic episodes had increased alarmingly in the past month. We saw him a little more than two weeks ago. I could tell his judgment was really poor but I suspected and feared this would happen.
    It’s heart-breaking to read the stories of other families.
    I’ve known him since he was born. He was 25.

  16. Robin January 24, 2018 at 11:38 pm - Reply

    I just lost my son on dec 31 2017 from heroine laced with fetanol. He was just 20 years old. Did not know he started using heroine. The last month I tried tough love trying to limit his money not having beer in the house. Wish I bought the beer and gave him money to let him get pills or whatever other then him resorting to heroine. I will never forgive myself knowing that he wS sad and alone. I tried to get him help and had an apt with a therapist on Jan 15. I bribed him to go to rehab and the coming Tuesday we were going to confront him to go into rehab. I will never ever forgive myself. The pain and guilt just gets worse everyday. I just can’t hsndle this he knocked on my door within the hour before he passed and I didn’t answer. Why why why. I do so sad. My heart is broken

    • Joe June 23, 2019 at 7:45 am - Reply

      My God. I am so sorry Robin. Your story breaks my heart as well. I have a similar story – on Monday 6/17/19 my 20 year old son OD’d on meth. His mom and I are divorced. We were trying to make him face consequences of using, trying to scare him straight I guess. Everyone tells you that an addict needs to hit rock bottom. He had been hospitalized for delusional, paranoid and aggressive behavior. But an adult, he got himself released with the help of our legal system. He also was sent to rehab and got kicked out. So we decided to let him be discharged to a homeless shelter and to make him face his own choices head on. This seemed to work for a few weeks as he tried to negotiate a way to get home. Within weeks of moving back in w his mom he broke his contract agreement to follow up with his therapy. So he was told he would be leaving the house at that end of the month. He called me at that point and told me his mom was kicking him out. I have a home with his old bedroom, but did not offer to take him in. I might have been able to save him at that moment, but I wanted him to face reality. Then he relapsed. Hard. He was acting out of his mind and failed a home drug screening. His mom called me and I told her to call the cops. Again tough love? She said she was going to put him out of the house. He came out of his room sweating and shaking uncontrollably. He was rushed to a hospital where they worked on him for over 4 hours as he slipped again and again into a “code blue” meaning his heart was stopping. I saw his body naked, covered in ice and several medical staff working to keep his heart going. He went into hyperthermia so severe it swelled his brain and shut down his organs. His blood pressure was so raised as to cause internal bleeding. Even at this point I could not imagine we would lose him, Denial is a strong defense mechanism in a parent. I had to see his lifeless body before I realized how much he really needed my help. He needed to be loved. He needed security. But despite my guilt, his addiction prevented him from receiving help, love or connection to those who really care about him. We are still awaiting toxicology to see if it was accidental od or suicide. I can’t help think we drove him to a state of desperation. I want to go back and scoop him up in my arms and save him from all this grim reality. Nothing is worth seeing him on that hospital table. It hurts. Just try to remember that you can’t control somebody’s addiction. Our sons are not their disease. Addiction controls them, lies to them, isolates them and takes over like a cancer.

  17. D'Angelo March 1, 2018 at 2:38 pm - Reply

    My uncle just died this past Monday. It feels really unreal and it’s hard to fathom that he will no longer be with us.

  18. Nona Fox March 9, 2018 at 5:51 pm - Reply

    I was here and read this less than a week ago and then this morning our son died from a overdose. We tried so hard to get him help but he just could not stop. Several times through rehab and treatment with Suboxone, nothing worked. We are devastated.

  19. Vickie March 17, 2018 at 5:55 pm - Reply

    I lost my oldest son on January 22, 2012 he was 32 years old. I go thru stages where I am just so mad at him I just want to smack him and I don’t know how to overcome this anger. He left behind a 16 yr old son and I am mad because I feel his death was due to him not being strong enough to fight his addiction or ask for help. I also feel like I should have done something and I didn’t because I thought he wasn’t using. He was clean for 6 months and decided one night to use a combination of heroine and cocaine. I feel so bad for my grandson because he is now without a father and I feel it’s my fault that I didn’t have him live with me (I had custody of his son since he was 8) his mother is on pills. My son was in federal prison for over 6 yrs. for selling drugs he NEVER did drugs until he was released. My son died alone in a room he rented and wasn’t found until the next day. I miss him so much.
    But now, my grandson is 21 and just had a son 2-weeks ago. He is a great young man he works 6-7 days a week hunts, loves fishing and most importantly he does not do drugs, he hates drugs, he will not even take an aspirin. I’m mad because my son is missing out on so much! All due to not asking for help!
    Although, I would like to think something good comes from something bad. hopefully, all the surviving children that have lost a parent or in some cases both parents will break this viscous cycle of death by addiction and we can put an end to so much suffering. I believe GOD does not give us more then we can handle and it has been through my faith in God that has helped me through the most difficult time of my life.

    I am so sorry for everyone’s loss we should never have to bury our children. I hope and pray everyone finds peace to help them through this we are losing more and more children every day! I wish I knew of a way to help

  20. Donna March 18, 2018 at 3:47 pm - Reply

    I’m so sorry for your loss.. I just lost my son to Heroin on Feb 27 2018… Joshua was 29.. He suffered with his addiction for 8yrs.. He had been sober for the last 14 months. He used on Sunday and was dead two days later.. My heart is Crushed. I do thank God for the 29 yrs with my beautiful child, and that Joshua no longer has to suffer with the pain and shame of his addiction. We all have done the best we could to help our children. It’s just a horrible drug .. I wish I just had one more day to love him up.. But I guess that wasn’t the plan. We will overcome and learn to live with this pain.. Peace to all.

  21. Kim March 27, 2018 at 12:01 pm - Reply

    My 21 year old son died 5 weeks ago of an overdose – in Barrie Ontario Canada. The amount of deadly drugs on the streets is horrific. I feel an insane amount of grief and sadness, but I know he would want me to be happy and not sink into depression or go insane, so I will TRY to hold this knowledge in my heart as I try to get through my day. I loved him more than I can describe and am still in shock. I never in a million years thought I would bury my 21 year old son. I know he wouldn’t want me to feel partially responsible even though it’s so hard not to. I must move forward and concentrate on letting go of the guilt. One life is already lost and my son would want me to be happy. I will try to be for him. I need to be for him.

  22. Ann May 3, 2018 at 1:52 am - Reply

    I just lost my son April 27, 2018. He was clean for almost 11 months. He didn’t Bing, he, as far as we know used 3 times. Unfortunately the last time he passed away. I’m in shock. I’m numb. Waiting for the police investigation to find the dealer who gave him the drugs. Yes I realize it was my son’s choice, but if it was laced with fentynal, the dealer will be prosecuted. I will join a support group, but told by my counselor until I get over the shock, it will not be beneficial till I enter the next stage of grief. I Agee. We are so busy making phone calls and arranging what must happen, that therapy won’t be beneficial for me until I’m ready to move to the next step of grief, whatever step that is

  23. Dave May 4, 2018 at 6:47 pm - Reply

    Although my son, Jared, recently died from a lethal dose of heroin on April 9, 2018, I have been grieving his death for many years. Because of his addiction, he alienated himself from the thing he loved most…his family. I guess it probably started with the death of his mother(cancer) when he was in 7th grade. ( April 13, 2000) She was his best friend and someone who truly understood him. He was devastated. Disputed my best efforts, I could not replace mom. He quickly turned to drugs and alcohol to ease the pain and that was a path that took him on a 17 year journey to his death. I knew that someday, there would be a knock at the door and a policeman would be very sorry to inform me that my son was found dead of an apparent overdose. That day came and I was as devastated as though Jared never had any problems, and his death was sudden and unexpected. It has only been several weeks, but the pain comes and goes in waves, and at times seem surreal.
    Two things come to mind that is very difficult for me to face. First, several months ago, I saw track marks on his arm. When I saw them I asked my son this….when you die, and you will die from using heroin, what do you want me to do with your body? Do you want to be cremated or buried, because I am the one that will have to take responsibility for it. He looked me directly in the eyes and said “I want to be cremated.” Four months later, that is exactly what I had to do. I asked him that question because I was somehow hoping to scare him into seeking real help for his addiction problem. Of course that did not work. Instead, I believe I gave him the opportunity to express himself what he also felt was inevitable.
    Next, by significant other and I often spoke about Jared, his problems and how it affected both me and our relationship. She asked me how and when all these awful events with my son would end. My reply? ” When he’s dead. That’s when.” Those words, however true they might have been haunt me every minute im awake. I said it so matter-of-fact like. I never imagined how painful and regretful I could have felt about those comments.
    Grieving is not a new process for me. Although, losing a spouse and a child is totally different. I teach 7th grade science in a urban area where violence, loss, and drugs are part of my students everyday life. I was honest and truthful about how my son died when they asked. I thought, maybe there is a lesson for them to learn. To see the effects of death from drugs first hand on those left behind. My sorrow was meet with compassion, and empathy, but not surprise. This is their lives. Fighting that seemingly invisible monster that is all around them. Everyday. Maybe, if only one child can see what the effects are from this devastating disease, they just might think twice. It’s all I can hope for right now.

    • Dawn June 28, 2018 at 10:27 pm - Reply

      My 28 year old son died April 10th. My husband found him in his bedroom around 6 am. He was slumped over as he had been sitting on the floor. The medical examiner said he had been dead about 4-6 hours already. He was so cold. I wanted to warm him up and thought that when 911 gets here all they need to do is use those difibrulator-things to start his heart and put him on oxygen and he would be fine! I really, really thought this and he had been dead for hours! It’s amazing what you do to protect yourself and that’s what I was doing. We were both in shock.
      On his death certificate it says ‘accidental self-administered heroin and methaphatamine toxicity’ What a beautiful and wasted life. Sober, he was a beautiful and sweet and talented young man. It’s been 11 weeks now and I can’t stop thinking about him. My heart is broken forever.

  24. Patrice May 5, 2018 at 2:17 am - Reply

    We lost our son on 9/4/17 to an overdose. He was 24 years old. Text messages on his phone were asking to buy Cocaine. He was given Carfentanil which put him into Cardiac Arrest. He was found in his car, and EMS shocked him for 18 mins. He lived brain dead on life support for 3 days, until the Physicians told us there was no hope. We had the phone number and the text messages from his killer. We took the phone to several police stations, begging them to go after this person
    This should have been a manslaughter charge. The police aren’t interested, the DEA isn’t interested.
    So he continues to kill people. If we were rich, famous, I’m sure the response would have been different. We are filled with anger and grief.

    • MADRE May 11, 2018 at 4:19 am - Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss, similar situation happened with my beautiful son Mitchell who was 20. He bought some mislabled stuff online that was laced with fentanyl and overdosed on 11/30/17(package said benzodiazepine). I was advised by Medical Examiner office to bring to police dept. Since it was considered a HOMICIDE. Wish I never did, it has caused me more grief because they didn’t investigate it and I all wanted was this tragedy not to happen to anyone else or anyone to lose a loved one from this garbage that shouldn’t be sold to just anyone. Your sense of loss is so overwhelming in the first place and not to get help or justice for the victim because it was drug related just makes it more devastating. I was basically told they are busy and had other cases that needed to be worked on…..ouch! I pray for you and everyone whom has lost a loved one to addiction and you get justice for your son. They didn’t deserve this. I miss my son, he was precious to me and he was very kind and a nice person. I can’t believe he is gone and it galls me to think this could be avoided to someone else and not investigated. Mitchell’s Madre, Mpls

    • Gwen June 2, 2018 at 3:49 pm - Reply

      Please don’t assume the police or DEA are doing nothing. You never know what is going on behind the scenes. My son died August 27 2017 and many things have been done as far as law enforcement I am fairly certain.
      My son died from heroin/fentanyl overdose and never did heroin before this. He had tho been taking huge amounts of OXYCODONE which he was getting from a doctor in FL after being hit by a car. He was also detoxed by this same doctor and put on it again!! I was told this was criminal.
      He had let a old friend move in with him and 2 weeks later was dead. It is believed the friend gave the fentanyl to our son.
      What made our grief even more HORRIBLE was the police in JAX FL NEVER called to tell us our son was dead. He was taken to the charity funeral home and luckily I found him before he was embalmed. I screamed for days at the coroner to come get him for at least an autopsy and she refused until a few days later when she did a toxicology report. The 911 call by the so called friend first said fentanyl then he changed it to sleeping pills and then heart disease. So EMS ruled his death natural. Thank God the coroner finally agreed to do the toxicology.
      One cop I talked with said my son was fat, obese, weighed x amount of pounds and was a drug addict and alcoholic and probably died from a heart attack or bad drugs. It is unreal how HORRIBLE the cops in JAX FL treated our family. Now it appears the so called friend also stole and sold our son’s car and motorcycle. The grief never ends. Our son helped a friend out and now he’s dead. If the cops in JAX FL had done their job perhaps I would not,be writing all this today. Not only do we have to grieve forever our son’s death but also the evil and HORRIBLE treatment we were shown by those cops
      I pray 24/7 for my son and all the other parents who have lost loved ones and all family members. I keep looking to God for strength as well but most days it’s hard to even get out of bed. I truly lost the will to live when he died. He had accomplished so much and worked every day. This was so unexpected and sudden and being notified via a Facebook msg to our youngest son was something WE WILL NEVER FORGET.

    • Elaine March 29, 2019 at 1:04 pm - Reply

      My son died under very similar circumstances. We got “that phone call” on May 29, 2018. His death certificate reads “self-induced Accidental Overdose” and he had a heart disease called “hypertrophic cardiomyopathy” which we had no idea he had nor did our son. But, I did the same thing with his phone, text from the last phone number I found out is a drug dealer, but the investigator wasn’t interested and once the “self-induced” word was stated from coroner, the case was closed. Our son was a beautiful beaming light of life. Xanax, cocaine, OxyContin and fetanoyl was found in his blood system. It knocked me to the floor reading that tox report. I was aware of his Xanax issue and he was so believable, I was convinced it wasn’t a problem. We had lengthy conversations about it and many many conversations when I cried heavily telling him if he died I could not
      Live this life. We were very close, he is my first born and only son, I have 2 daughters 21 & 25. Our son Joe was 27. That 1 year is fast approaching and I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the fact he is not coming home. I find myself really angry at him, the WHYs circle in my head most days. Part of my soul is gone, I’m trying but can’t seem to let his death be my reality. Honoring him by starting a blog about his life, writing my experiences in grief, I created a memories page on Instagram, and in the process of fulfilling his life dream …to start his own business- I’m going to finish his dream. All this keeps me busy but people tell me it’s still so raw I should let myself grieve. Well, I’m in full throttle grief mode and some days I cannot breathe. I also know what my son would want and it’s not to die in a corner (I tried that already and it didn’t work!). Life is hard. But, I’m doing my best I still have 2 living children, I cannot quit on them. I repeat those words every single day.?

  25. Debbie Gates May 6, 2018 at 9:00 pm - Reply

    I lost my beautiful son, Christopher Gates on 10/12/17 from a heroin and fentanyl overdose after struggling in and out of rehabs for 4 years. I can honestly say I mourned his death long before his actual death. I slowly watched him live in pain and struggle so hard to overcome his addiction. And there wasn’t anything I could. We used to be so close and like all of his relationships ours too was damaged. I never gave up hope and he didn’t either, he kept fighting. The night he died he was packing and scheduled to go back into rehab the following day. My heart is completely broken. I miss him so much. I wish he didn’t have to suffer so bad like he did. Addiction is such a horrible disease

  26. Marcia Pasthing May 7, 2018 at 3:36 pm - Reply

    Lost my son January 11, 2018 to heroin/fentanyl overdose .Ive been numb but its starting to sink in. I ache so bad but hurt more for the 3 kids. They were close. Thank God others understand I never hide the fact he overdosed. He fought long battle 10 yrs but got in motorcycle accident and had rods, screws etc and called and said after surgery the craving was like a monster. Good luck God blesx you all

  27. Marianne May 10, 2018 at 8:58 pm - Reply

    You have all expressed my questions,my fears and my sadness. My talented creative and loving son Bill, age 30, died on April 6 and I am devastated. Like many here, we thought he had more time to find his path and he never gave up looking for it. Please let’s forgive ourselves for what we did and didn’t do. They knew we loved them by our hope for them, and we have years of moments with them that were filled with love, laughter and joy before this terrible disease took hold. I believe they would want us to think of them at their best-loving their family and friends and making us smile. The way parents know their children and love and forgive them for anything. This is what happened to them. It isn’t who they are. Remember who they are and your sadness will still feel their love.

  28. Maryann Fitzgerald June 16, 2018 at 4:42 am - Reply

    My son was very honest with his addiction he said “mom I love drugs”. How do I compete with that? How am I suppose to feel when love, family, responsibilities can’t save him?! We started having problems with him at 12 yrs old. His father spent a lot of money sending him to all these different facilities. When he ended up in jail we figured at least we knew where he was and he would be clean for 9 months. He was handsome, talented, charming, had a good job and slowly went back to doing drugs. Maverick Douglas Fitzgerald died of an overdose September 2,2017. My only son. He has left a black hole in my heart that will never heal. I will never be a grandma. I live my life as a shark now constantly moving to avoid the pain. I miss my honey bunny but know he doesn’t suffer anymore.

    • Northpoint Staff July 4, 2018 at 4:19 pm - Reply

      So sorry to hear of your loss! Hoping that you can find peace for yourself and your family.

  29. Tina ashley July 9, 2018 at 8:34 pm - Reply

    I lost my son to a cocaine and heroin overdose on the 26th march 2018,he was 27, i found him in his flat ,I had no idea he was taking them,he showed no signs,I’m heartbroken and angry that he did this,I wish I’d had the chance to even try to talk to him about it and help him.I’ve not hidden how he died from people,but feel when I tell them they sort of don’t know what to say and think he got what he deserved,,I’m not ashamed of him he Made a bad decision you still love your child no matter what,I miss him so much

    • Northpoint Staff July 26, 2018 at 3:10 am - Reply

      So sorry to hear about your loss! Wishing you and your family the best moving forward.

  30. Shelly Bidwell July 17, 2018 at 4:45 am - Reply

    I just lost my 22 year old son July 7 of this year. I am still numb….shocked….you name the feelings thatbis what I am. The autopsy report will not be here until a few weeks. The police have his phone and are investigating. All we do know is that through messenger he admitted to a “friend” he did 1 gram of heroin. My son was a drug addict and really never cared what drug he used. However, he seemed to be doing well and seemed to be completely straight for several weeks. Never did I think heroin was a drug he used..NEVER. i had a few suspicions that he may have started using something one day the week of his death. I thought maybe pills but never heroin and he didnt show signs of meth. I feel broken, stupid and just in so much disbelief on how je managed to fool us all. He was my baby boy….only son….how could this have really happened??

    • Northpoint Staff July 26, 2018 at 3:03 am - Reply

      Sorry to hear about your loss! Hoping you and your family can find peace in the future.

  31. Regina Wahkinney July 24, 2018 at 10:01 pm - Reply

    Thank you for having this site up. I lost my son to a heroin overdose. He was on xanax too. I just can’t grasp that he is gone forever! Help…

    • Northpoint Staff July 26, 2018 at 2:59 am - Reply

      So sorry for your loss! Hopefully the article will help you with coping. Wishing you and your family peace.

  32. Erin July 30, 2018 at 10:44 pm - Reply

    My baby boy, my only child died from an Heroin/ Cocaine overdose on June 20, 2018. His name was Zachary, he was 23, he left behind a fiancé and a 10 month old son. Am I going to make it through this??? A pain unlike no other.. Dammit!!!! The biggest part of me has died. Overdose was my biggest fear the last 6 months of his life, and this family’s fear came true. Every single second of every day I cant blink or even close my eyes without seeing his beautiful face. Hands down, if I had a chance, I’D CHANGE SPOTS IN A HEART BEAT!!

    • Northpoint Staff September 8, 2018 at 5:07 pm - Reply

      Sorry for your loss! Wishing you and your family the best!

  33. Sue Rahmati August 5, 2018 at 3:05 am - Reply

    My precious son was only 26 and died of a Drug overdose on June 9 2018. He was sweet, adored his little sister and was finding a friendship with his younger brother. My insides are empty, making sure my husband and kids are ok, I cry so much. My closest girlfriends have disappeared since our gathering for my son. Our teen daughter is acting out, I’m exhausted and don’t know how to help her. I’ve pushed my husbands friends to come get him often and now he’s doing great and I’m feeling left behind. The police are investigating my sons death hoping to get Manslaughter charges on someone. The weekly contact with the police is upsetting… usually giving me two days to recover after each contact. If only these “kids” could see what their devious woukd do to their families when their son woukd be devastated to see what this has done to us.?

    • Northpoint Staff September 8, 2018 at 5:06 pm - Reply

      Thank you for sharing. So sorry for your loss and everything you are continuing to deal with. Hoping you and your family can find peace soon.

  34. Pat Kraft August 14, 2018 at 12:05 pm - Reply

    I lost my son on Friday August 10 th of an opioid and crack cocaine overdose. I am devastated and don’t know how to move on from this. We had been fighting this battle fo over 10 years but n amount of rehab no amount of council Eli gave or psychiatric care helped. Now he’s gone and we are lost.

    • Northpoint Staff September 8, 2018 at 5:00 pm - Reply

      So sorry to hear about your son! Wishing you and your family the best as you navigate this difficult time.

  35. melba August 18, 2018 at 4:02 am - Reply

    Sorry for everyone loss of their precious children, My daughter Feb 09, 2016 approxiatematly 3:45 pm

    • Northpoint Staff September 8, 2018 at 4:57 pm - Reply

      Sorry to hear about your daughter! The loss of any child is difficult, so thank you for sharing!

  36. Jill September 6, 2018 at 1:53 am - Reply

    My son Ryan, age 21, passed away three weeks ago due to accidental overdose. He was in rehab last year and went straight to sober living out of state. We brought him home 6 weeks ago to treat an unrelated medical condition and he was doing well while he was here. But the beast of this disease is it only takes one trigger to relapse. We are so heartbroken. He had the Naltrexone implant and we know he wasn’t using heroin anymore. . Unfortunately the autopsy report will take 6 months for the results. We are still in shock and trying to navigate through the grief process. Our faith and prayer is what is getting us through this time.

    • Northpoint Staff September 8, 2018 at 4:54 pm - Reply

      Sorry to hear about your son! Wishing you and your family the best during your difficult time!

  37. Tamara Kennedy September 9, 2018 at 3:57 am - Reply

    I lost my 24 yr old son on 8/11/2018 from a heroin overdose. He had been using about 3 1/2 yrs, went to a 28-day rehab (which I now know is not anywhere close to how much he needed. He finally was arrested on grand larceny & spent 4 1/2 montbs in jail, was released on 7/26/2018 & died 16 days later. My husband & I found him in his room but it was too late. The detectives say overdose deaths are high for those that go to rehab or jail then try to use again. It is a devastating drug-there are no “high-functioning heroin addicts & can destroy families with the lying, stealing & pawning whatever would fit in his car. Politicians need to focus on the opiate and heroin that is wreaking havoc on our country instead of their usual nonsens. He was our youngest of 4 children-my baby-and I feel cheated not watching him hopefully lead a sober life, get married & have children.

    • Northpoint Staff September 16, 2018 at 4:07 pm - Reply

      Sorry to hear of your recent loss! Addiction is a terrible disease, which is why we are trying to spread the word and help those in need! Wishing you and your family the best.

  38. Jean September 10, 2018 at 6:56 pm - Reply

    I lost my son Sean on January 31, 2017. He struggled with addiction for about 10 years. I never knew him as an adult really. He started dabbling in some recreational drug use in high school and was on heroin by the age of 19…forever a teenager. He was 28 when he died of a pure fentanyl overdose. I knew he was going to pass from this disease. As much as I knew it and tried to prepare myself for it, it was and still is crushing my entire existence. I know everything I’ve read tells me it wasn’t my fault and I can’t blame myself, and I did everything I could, blah, blah, blah….but I’m his mother. Nothing will ever make it ok or hurt less. I will never stop missing him, aching for him, trying to smell him…every second of the day. I live for others that I love but I am looking forward to the day that I am with him again. I am not suicidal, but I am not afraid of death. I also lost my baby sister exactly one week before my son on January 24, 2017. She was 39 and had an 8 year old son. I haven’t even had a chance to grieve for her because my grief for my son is overwhelming. I can’t…we were not speaking when she passed. I don’t know if I will ever be able to even deal with her passing. How can I? There is no room in me for any more grief. I just try to help my nephew have a good life. He is being raised by another sister. I pray for all of us. I pray for the addicts. I pray for the children losing their parents. I pray but it sometimes feels like it is for nothing. I can’t imagine what could happen to stop this epidemic. I will continue to pray because it’s the only thing I feel that I can do.

    • Northpoint Staff September 16, 2018 at 4:04 pm - Reply

      Sorry to hear about your two losses, it is never easy dealing with one loss let alone two. You may want to look into grief counseling as they may help you. Wishing you the best for you and your family moving forward!

  39. Ted September 21, 2018 at 3:47 am - Reply

    I lost my son Ryan. March 21 2018 he died from a mix of xzanx and soboxing , in the next 13 hours two more of his friends died from herion that was laced with fentanyl, then in six weeks later lost his girl friend Kendall she had a heartache , from broken heart from losing Ryan , so all of life has left me , but fighting to keep their memories alive
    And trying to find my way

    • Northpoint Staff September 23, 2018 at 8:26 pm - Reply

      So sorry for your losses! Wishing you the best as you continue your journey and keeping their memories alive.

  40. Judy September 23, 2018 at 5:57 pm - Reply

    I lost my beautiful son, 22 years old, on September 21, 2018. He struggled with alcohol addiction and drugs for the past 4 years. We won’t know the actual cause of death until the toxicology report in a few weeks. When he was sober he was an amazing person, so funny and positive. I know he wanted to change his life but he lacked the strength. He had various mental health issues including anxiety, depression, ADHD as well as severe insomnia, which I believe drove him to the drug and alcobol abuse. He used to say, if i could just get some proper sleep, I would be ok. He has a younger brother who unfortunately (or fortunately) he was not close with. The pain I feel is unreal. I can’t believe he is gone, although part of me knew it was inevitable. Rest in piece my beautiful boy, your pain is over.

    • Northpoint Staff September 23, 2018 at 8:24 pm - Reply

      Thank you for sharing your story, and wishing you and your family peace as well.

  41. Nikki November 8, 2018 at 3:38 am - Reply

    My 24 year old son died from an opioid overdose 1 month ago and the pain is so deep I can hardly take it. I am reading other people’s pain and it all feels so similar to mine and the battle my son dealt with before he died.

    • Northpoint Staff November 10, 2018 at 9:43 pm - Reply

      Thank you for sharing your painful experience, Nikki. We wish you and your family good health and happiness.

  42. Cali November 9, 2018 at 7:42 pm - Reply

    Same story different face. I too have mourned my son for the past 9 years while he was still alive. I just wanted my son back. The sweet loving son before the horrible disease of addiction. September 19, 2018, 5:50am is when I got the dreaded telephone call from the hospital. The woman said the ambulance brought my son into the emergency room he is unconscious, unresponsive and in the ICU. She said do not come alone and bring someone with you, I knew it was not good. I live an hour away and the drive to the hospital I prayed to God that I would not have to make the decision to take him off life support if he was braindead. I did not have to make that decision God did, he already passed, and the Doctor did not want to tell me over the telephone. Connor was 25 years old, clean for about 3 months. After about 10 times in and out of rehabs and 8 overdoses the 9th one was fatal. I am still waiting for the toxicology tests to know what my son died from. Connor was my only child.
    When I found out about his drug use he was about 15 years old. I though good he is still a minor I can make him go to a rehab. WRONG! We reside in the State of Pennsylvania, the age of consent to inpatient and outpatient treatment for “mental health” is 14 years old. Yup, you heard me right! What does a 14-year-old know? If I could have gotten my son in rehab at 15 years old he may still be alive today. OUR LAWS FOR MENTAL HEALTH NEED TO CHANGE! When my son overdosed 8 different times he was rushed to the emergency room, they treated and then released him, repeatedly. By this time the drugs have taking hold of the person and they are not mentally able to make rash decisions they are made without any consideration of the consequences. This sounds harsh, but I think we need laws to lock the addict in an inpatient rehab facility for minimum of 6 months to a year. Everyone says “they have rights”! No it could save their life …….. I guess call me CRAZY!

    • Northpoint Staff November 10, 2018 at 9:38 pm - Reply

      That is a powerful experience that you have shared with us. Thank you for stopping by, and wishing you the best.

      • Pat February 15, 2019 at 3:58 am - Reply

        My son, age 47, passed from pure fentanyl injection at his workplace on 10/4/18 & my life seems to have lost meaning since then. He left behind a 10 year old son whom he loved more than life. It was a gradual passage from crack cocaine to heroine addiction, thanks to a girl who I knew he loved who shot his first needle. He met her at an Outpatient facility. I was able to call 911 two years previous when we was revived from an overdose & he reluctantly spent 28 days in rehab.but refused to enter a long term commitment facility, which my ex husband offered to pay for. He entered a methadone program but he had lost his job, his vehicle (due to non payment of DMV fees & ins) Additionally, he was only able to have provisional visits with his son & was far behind in child support payments. I just believe he gave up on himself, altho I never had. I am still in shock & disbelief, as I had prayed, fervently, that he would become well. That did not happen & two officers came to my door at 9:50 P.M. to advise my son was deceased. He was my first born & I’m left heartbroken that I could not have prevented his accidental, premature passing. He lived with me most of the time, & his void is unbearable. Long term treatment should be made mandatory when repeated addicts exit incarceration; not left back on the streets with a slap on the hand.It this had been done, my forever missed son may have been one of the ones who could have that can never be. I pray for all of you who have endured the same, unending agony; I hope we can reach a pont of peace one day, as I hope our children have, without the pain & struggle which encompassed much of their days. Love & condolences to all…Pat S., down the Jersey Shore

        • NorthPoint Staff February 15, 2019 at 5:16 pm - Reply

          We are sorry for your loss but appreciate you sharing your story. We hope that one day you too could find peace. You may want to look into a local support group where you live, it may help you process your loss by talking about it and sharing your story. We wish you and your family all the best in the future!

      • LORI February 23, 2019 at 10:54 pm - Reply

        I’m sorry for everyone here and same story with my daughter Nicole. Her loss on 12/8/17 has devastated my life. And I’m hearing that here and not sure with the replies if we should share here but it went the same with my daughter. If they kept her early on in treatment it may have saved her life.. Its terrible to watch your child die over a number of years and be helpless. I am heartbroken and society or the world she grew up in is pathetic. The drugs are here and 1,000’s of children are being lost and nothing is being done? Its disgusting. Its a war on our own soil and everyone looked the other way as the drugs came in. And big Pharma or pills is where 98% of these kids started. And doctor prescriptions?? They didn’t start with a needled in there arm. The pills were all over and then hard to get and expensive and the Heroin was just waiting? How did that happen?? Why aren’t we asking or demanding answers on that? Kids are dying every day? I’m so mad and we need to all step up and make a difference or at least talk about how this was possible? Its disgusting and wish I knew the life I was giving to my daughter.. That breaks my heart and her suffering and me not being able to help her I can’t get peace with but keep trying and I know she wants that for me.

        • NorthPoint Staff February 26, 2019 at 5:16 pm - Reply

          Thank you for sharing your experiences, and so very sorry for the loss of your daughter! The police are constantly trying to fight this battle with drugs and save us all, but we agree that there should be more. You could always check for a local support group and/or check with your local police and fire dept for any volunteer work that could help (think National Prescription Takeback Day, Overdose Awareness, etc). We hope that you will find peace for you and your family in time!

  43. Elizabeth Maracin November 12, 2018 at 5:11 pm - Reply

    I lost my son William on April 7th, 2016 to a heroin overdose. I am still in heavy grief. Your story was helpful. I did feel real sad scrolling through the large number of comments….who knew there were so many of us, those left behind, after the loss of a child to drugs. I don’t know if I will ever be able to live a full life again. There is this soul wrenching heartache from the absence of him in my life. I am alive in a physical sense but part of me left with him when he died. It’s the part that gave me joy and laughter and love. I have bitterness, grief and I’m at a loss, even 2 years later, for the words to even describe how I feel. I feel lost and alone on a dark sea and I’m not living; I’m just dying very very slowly.

    • Northpoint Staff November 14, 2018 at 8:46 pm - Reply

      It is good to know that after two years our article was helpful to you, Elizabeth. Living a full life as you did before is not possible, but you can still lead a full life in a different way. Press on, keep living. Best wishes!

  44. Jan Spillman November 17, 2018 at 12:14 am - Reply

    I lost my 29 yr old son, to an overdose of heroin tainted with fentanyl, on May 15, 2018. He left behind a 7 yr old daughter and many loved ones, including 3 sisters and a brother. His father died from cancer when he was only 14 yrs old, That is when his drug abuse started, I later learned. There is so much I could say, but, for now, I just want you to know how much I appreciate your story. It it almost exactly what happened to my son. We are members of the club that no one wants to belong to. God bless you.

    • Northpoint Staff November 18, 2018 at 1:40 am - Reply

      Thank you, Jan, and we wish you and your family the best. Happy holidays.

  45. Dean November 24, 2018 at 9:29 am - Reply

    Reading this is so difficult somehow I thought my pain,and self blame are mine alone .To see so many others go through this ,I am so sorry for all of your losses. Eugene Mecham August 26,2016.My heart is broken and I do blame myself.I also feel guilty for feeling so awful when I am blessed with so many wonderful grandchildren and a daughter
    who is clean over a year! I pray Jesus heals all your broken hearts I am sorry I don’t have more to offer to console you ,I stuggle ,thank Jesus for my family or I don’t know how I Would continue.

    • Lana April 30, 2019 at 9:20 pm - Reply

      I’m crying as I read these comments… My son died on 4/14/19. ..They did an autopsy and found heroin, syringe,and spoon in his pants pocket. No physical reason for death. Still waiting on Toxicology report to come back. The coroner believes it was an overdose. He finished methadone treatment on 3/13/2019.. He said he was nervous and scared, but told me I would never have to worry about him ever doing drugs again. He was doing so good. We had a bad argument the Thursday before he died because his daughters mother said he couldn’t have her. He said he was going over to her house. I told him not to because it would just upset his daughter. He did anyway. He screamed and cussed me for not taking his side.. I told him I was taking his daughters side. I told him I was done with him talking to me that way and hung up. He was living with his brother and his fiance. They found him on Sunday, the 14th at 9 am dead and in full rigor. I talked to the policemen that was there and asked him not to take him till I got there. What a horrible thing to see. I was sure he did it to get even with me… I have since found out that my son and fiance had stuff stolen and her mothers pain medication and muscle relaxers from back at the end of March. I have since looked through his phone and found many messages about pills Xanax, Ativan Norco, why do I still feel guilty.. I have tried to help him for 4 years.He has been in rehab, a mental hospital, psych wards. He lived with me for awhile and robbed us blind.. I miss him so much and still feel guilty. He’s left behind a beautiful 10yearvold daughter and 3 year old son who adored their Daddy. He was always playing with them, taking them to the park, or zoo. Why would he risk all that

  46. Dean November 24, 2018 at 9:39 am - Reply

    Also My beautiful wife and Son/grandson who give me the desire and strength to do better I love you Tami ,and Jayse ,Bobbi,nd Tracy,Aidyn,Kira,Jaxon,Damon,Harper,Finliegh,Mathew,Franki,and Sofia…The light at the end of the day is in the love for these people,and for you your people.May God share His grace

    • Northpoint Staff November 28, 2018 at 2:24 am - Reply

      Thank you for sharing those heartfelt messages with us, Dean. We wish you and your family the best. Happy holidays.

  47. Sadmom December 4, 2018 at 5:40 am - Reply

    Thank you for this blog. I lost my 19 year old son Nov 10, 2018 to an accidental overdose. We knew he was doing street drugs but he swore he wasn’t trying heroin. I didn’t understand his interest in the drug culture. My husband and I had good communication with him and were encouraged that he was planning on taking a full semester of classes in the spring. We feel so guilty that we didn’t recognize the extent of the problem and couldn’t do more to have saved him. He was just a boy making very poor decisions that ended up killing him.

    • Northpoint Staff December 4, 2018 at 4:00 pm - Reply

      You are most welcome, and thank you for sharing your tragic experience with us. Happy holidays, and best wishes.

  48. Angela December 5, 2018 at 2:42 am - Reply

    I lost my brother on 11-25-18 to drugs. I am devastated. I always thought “this was the time he was going to get straight”. It never happened. I am guilt ridden that I didn’t do enough to save him. Will I ever forgive myself.

    • Northpoint Staff December 7, 2018 at 9:09 pm - Reply

      You certainly will forgive yourself, Angela. Don’t do that to yourself. Best wishes.

  49. Kelly January 10, 2019 at 11:28 pm - Reply

    I lost my beautiful son Micheal, December 16th, 2018. He had overdosed 3 times in less than 5 days. They sent him home every time. We asked them to please keep him? but they couldn’t because he was 23. It’s been a rough 2 years with his addiction getting worse, he took whatever he could get and this time it was heroine. We haven’t received the toxicology report, but we just know. My husband found him unconscious on the couch while I was at my sisters. I met him at the hospital with tons of family and friends, all his good friends came for support. He passed away within the hour and it’s been the worst, heartbreaking pain we have ever felt!! Devastating. His 12 year old sister, it has rocked her world, he was her best friend. God help us all please!! So sad

    • NorthPoint Staff January 21, 2019 at 4:55 pm - Reply

      So sorry to hear about the loss of your son! That is definitely heartbreaking of his multiple od’s in just a handful of days and the hospital’s lack of involvement. We wish you and your family nothing but the best as you continue.

  50. Pat Driscoll January 29, 2019 at 2:24 am - Reply

    I lost my son January 11 2019. Forever 29. He was my baby and i dont know how to do this. Im praying for you all.

    • NorthPoint Staff January 31, 2019 at 4:06 pm - Reply

      Sorry for your loss Pat! Wishing you and your family some peace moving forward.

  51. Valerie February 10, 2019 at 2:03 pm - Reply

    I am struggling with my son’s death to alcohol poisoning last January. 4 months later, my mother died from the same thing. He had overcome heroin and turned to alcohol. I don’t share with anyone how he died, he was found at the bottom of the steps in his fathers home. I had made him leave just 18 months earlier as I could not stand seeing him kill himself. I never knew what I would walk into or wake up to. He was a good person. He had called me just a week before he died, telling me he was trying to stop drinking, I told him I would help him, but the next time I would have contact, it would be to plan his funeral. The guilt I feel for not doing more is overwhelming. I am glad to read this article, it has helped me to understand why I am having trouble processing his death. My heart so hurts. The other part that is soo hurtful is the feeling that everyone has moved on, but I am still here, left with this horrible pain inside. I feel like no one understands the intense pain I have. I am in counseling, it definitely has helped, but some days I just don’t want to feel the pain anymore. Will it ever go away?

    • NorthPoint Staff February 15, 2019 at 5:32 pm - Reply

      Thank you for sharing your personal experiences, Valerie. I’m not sure the pain will ever truly go away when you lose a child, but hopefully one day it will get easier. Rather than focusing on the what ifs and what could you have done differently, you will gain acceptance that nothing further can be changed and focus on the positive aspects of his life. Counseling is definitely a good idea, but you may want to see if there is a support group in your area as well. Many times we have to go day by day and then little by little, it gets better.

  52. Patty Ridener February 12, 2019 at 7:46 pm - Reply

    I lost my son Christopher on January 27, 2019 to and overdose and my life has changed forever… I wrote the letter below and it helped me some.

    Our Dear Son,
    The day you were born we were scared and anxious, but we were ready to meet you. On March 23, 1970 we became your momma and daddy & our journey together began. You will always be our baby, our firstborn our beautiful blue eyed boy. The days spent with just us we will hold a special spot in our hearts forever. Every fiber of our being loved your little soul. On your 8th day of being in the world we held you up and gave you to Jesus. We promised the Lord we would raise you up to know Him and I don’t think we failed. You knew Him and He knew you.
    We loved watching you grow up and we were with you all along the way. You’re just a memory now but we have so many good memories and that is what we will try to focus on.
    For 29 years we had you, the “real” Chris. The kind, tender hearted, loving, always forgiving, never met a stranger, a magnetic personality, loved people, always helping others and then came “addiction”. The “demon” that would never allow you to be free, for 19 years. Chris, we know you wanted to break free and you hated your addiction. It took you to a place that you couldn’t return. Over those 19 years you came back to us at times but always returned to that dark hole. We loved you and would give everything we have to have you back. You’re never coming back to us, but one day we will come to you. Until that day we will keep your memories close to our hearts. We will speak your name often and never forget what a sweet person you were.
    This letter is for us, too, Chris. As we fight with these feelings of grief, trying to make since of it all. Regrets, what-if’s, overwhelming sadness and broken hearts that will never be the same again. We grieve for what you could have been. We grieve for your son that was already fragile. We grieve for your brothers that loved you so much, “their big brother”. We grieve for your nieces and nephews that you always made feel special. We grieve for all the friends that will miss you. We grieve because we should have hugged you more. We grieve because you died alone is a dark room. We grieve because we had to say things to you that cut you to the bone. We grieve because we had to tell you, you could not stay in our home anymore. We hated your addiction and in the last few months we couldn’t deal with watching you die before our eyes. We were your parents and nothing we tried helped you with your addiction.
    We are sorry for so many things, not said or done, for words said that I know hurt you so much. We loved you so much but we could not help you break free. Thank you for coming to see us and kissing me on the cheek and telling us you loved us. Thank you for the special way you said momma & pops. We will miss you until our lives end and then we will be with you throughout eternity. You’re free from addiction because of Jesus Christ.

    • NorthPoint Staff February 15, 2019 at 5:25 pm - Reply

      Thank you for sharing your letter to your son, Chris, it is very clear how amazing your son was to so many people. We are very sorry for your loss, and wish peace for you and your family!

    • Chris Buckner February 26, 2019 at 7:23 am - Reply

      My sons name was Christopher also and if I could express in words as beautiful as expressed here by you it would be almost identical.
      Chris was a beautiful soul taken too soon as was your Chris.

  53. Chris Buckner February 26, 2019 at 7:16 am - Reply

    I am so very sorry for the losses everyone has experienced. I lost my son Chris 36 on Jan 24, 2019 to a fentyanol laced Heroin overdose. I am hurting so immensely and can not see how i will ever heal from this. I to also did everything in my power to keep this from happening and it happened anyway. I am seeking professional help and trying to get the voice back to join a grasp group. Thank you for understanding what I a going through.

    • NorthPoint Staff February 26, 2019 at 5:18 pm - Reply

      Terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your son, Chris! Seeking professional help and support groups are a great way to help find peace. We wish you and your family all the best as you continue on your journey!

  54. Carol Ann Rodgers February 26, 2019 at 9:38 pm - Reply

    I lost my beautiful son Frankie on 1-1-2019 at the young age of 27 yrs. old. He had been in and out of rehab for the past 3 years and we believe he relapsed. My heart is broken forever along with his younger sister his best friend and brother. Now that he’s gone I realize the disease won and I am so devastated he is robbed of his future and our future to see him live his life. He was on suboxone and off heroine but did not want to be straight and got up and shot up New Year’s morning we think around 5 am. fentanyl and cocaine so awful and I cry every day. I love you Frankie please tell Mom how to go on sweetie. This is so horrible reading all of the losses on here like mine. I need help I am so distraught our children are out world no matter what age they are. He was an addict and a victim.

    • NorthPoint Staff March 6, 2019 at 7:52 pm - Reply

      So sorry to hear about your loss! You may want to search for a support group in your area to help share how you are feeling and to gain support. We wish you and your family all the best as you try to continue forward.

  55. Jean Pouliot March 5, 2019 at 6:04 am - Reply

    My son has started using heroin, I feel he is already lost, I am struggling hard to save myself, my poor wife is suffering terribly. I feel guilty about sometimes wishing he was dead, none of us deserves this. I feel I have to let go and that I am barely hanging on. I am not suicidal just very afraid of the scars developing in my psyche. Nothing seems to help.

    • NorthPoint Staff March 6, 2019 at 8:04 pm - Reply

      Sorry that you feel as though you cannot fix this – have you tried an intervention and/or admitting your son? Many wish they could do more once it is too late and their loved one is gone. You may want to reach out to a support group and see what other options you have. We wish you and your family all the help and support you can get!

  56. Dianna March 26, 2019 at 9:32 am - Reply

    My only son was found in his apt…he died alone and I was not there to save him. No one was. It is horrific for me to know he was alone..that, I cannot bear. Jordan was 32 He died on my brothers birthday. 02/01/2019.. Overdose heroin and fentanyl. We had just had a conversation about drugs, never knowing what was really in it. He promised he wouldn’t do any heroin. He had a long complicated life with mental health issues and drugs. All sorts.Every waking moment I worried a bout him, whenever I heard a siren I worried that it might be for him…My grief is overwhelming. It feels as though someone had ripped my heart out..and I can hardly breathe. When I am sobbing, the ache throughout me is excruciating…and am not sure I can survive this.
    When I was in his apt. the day after he died…I was sobbing…and in my head I heard him say “it’s okay momma.” He would call me that sometimes. I know he is no longer struggling,..but I am. I keep going over our lives and I can’t help but wonder why he had to struggle and suffer so…why we had to…makes no sense…I only wish I had died instead or with him..that’s how unbearable this pain is. I am in counseling…….
    I am so sorry for everyone’s loss of their child….we all did the best we could

    • NorthPoint Staff April 2, 2019 at 4:41 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, Dianna. We wish you nothing but the best moving forward!

  57. Katie April 1, 2019 at 3:13 pm - Reply

    I have been on this roller coaster with my heroin addicted son for 5 years now. he is 26 and is now homeless and in another state with no phone. I feel as though I am already grieving him and the sweet little boy he once was, before this monster got hold of him. Every time the phone rings, my heart drops wondering, “Is this the call that tells me my only son is dead?” I find myself on the verge of a panic attack 24/7 just waiting for the inevitable.I send my deepest condolences to all who have lost their beloved children to this disease.

  58. Natalie Keegan May 16, 2019 at 3:22 pm - Reply

    I just lost my son on April 27, 2019. Apparent accidental overdose, but cause of death still pending. He was 36. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in his early teens, and struggled with addiction for many years. life was never dull – one crisis to the next, repeat treatment efforts, many many medications, and lots of involvement with the police. I have felt all the same feelings I have read here. Thanks everyone for sharing your heart. In some way, it is helping me.

    • NorthPoint Staff June 3, 2019 at 3:29 pm - Reply

      Sorry to hear about your loss, but glad you are finding the community helpful! You may want to look for local support groups as well, they may be able to help you further process. We wish you and your family all the best during this hard time!

  59. Carol Arsenault May 25, 2019 at 3:12 am - Reply

    I lost my son just 3 months ago to fentanyl in cocaine. Had been an addict for years, was 36 years old. Went to rehab, did so well, he became a counselor. Lasted 2 months and he left and went right back to cocaine. Because he was laying in his apartment for a week before anyone found him, we never got to see his body or say goodbye. I still can’t believe he is dead. And to make it even worse, my husband’s daughter died 4 years ago of a meth overdose, she was only 24, I had been her step-mother since she was 6. My husband never recovered and now this. Two in one family is just too much to bear. He’s finding it hard but is trying to stay strong for me. At first I thought no one would even want to come to his funeral, after all, they all knew he was an addict. He was his father’s (my first husband) only child, his father is devastated. His sister is also devastated and living alone in the Cayman Islands with no family or support. She was the one who stayed in touch with him the most in the years before his death. I’m worried for her now, she seems unhappy, sad and lost and misses her nightly chats on the phone with her brother. Sad situation.

    • NorthPoint Staff June 3, 2019 at 3:05 pm - Reply

      Sorry to hear about your losses, that is definitely a lot to handle! We hope you and your family find the peace and strength needed.

  60. Mary July 11, 2019 at 2:37 am - Reply

    I lost my 26 year old son on May 26 2019 to what is suspected to be a heroin overdose laced with fentanyl. We didn’t even know he used heroin and feel like the dumbest people on the planet. He held a good job, ate healthy and worked out twice a week. We don’t know if he used regularly or was just doing this on the weekend or what. I really wish I could die but have a daughter that depends on me. I’m just sick and feel dumb and look back at all the possible signs I may have missed. Why God Why?

    • NorthPoint Staff August 1, 2019 at 4:33 pm - Reply

      So sorry for your loss! It may be hard to move forward, but as you stated you have a daughter that needs you. It is normal to be sad, upset, etc. You may want to find a support group in your area that your family can attend and discuss how you are all feeling. We wish you all the best!

  61. Alice Leitch August 1, 2019 at 2:58 am - Reply

    I lost my daughter to crystal meth overdose. I’m searching for help and run across your blog. Thank you. I’m going to contact my local GRASP group.

    • NorthPoint Staff August 1, 2019 at 3:49 pm - Reply

      Sorry to hear about your daughter! Seeking a local support group is a great idea! We wish you and your family all the best during this difficult time!

  62. Shari Flanders August 27, 2019 at 5:36 pm - Reply

    My son started using drugs and alcohol when he was 11. I was worried about cigarettes and bad grades because he was so smart. I spent over a $100,000 on recovery programs over 20 years. I sent him to Recovery First in Florida in April 2016. He had just completed a year of sobriety on house arrest when he relapsed that time. He had ninety days clean after his 30 days at Recovery First. Then he relapsed again and again and again. Finally, I said you will have to go to a free detox program I can’t pay for anymore. He got himself in and then left AMA. He said, Momma they told me it would take a year at the Salvation Army and I would have to cut my hair and that is too much like jail. He pawned his keyboard and died the next day. I think he took the heroin mixed with Fentanyl because he knew that he would die. It was not his drug of choice. He felt hopeless and abandoned. I sent him away because it was torture for me and his sons to watch him go insane. I would give anything for the opportunity to rescue him again. It’s been exactly two years now and, I am reliving everything. Still functioning, I am parenting his six year old child.. He was 31 years old very beautiful, loving and talented but, I was very very critical and angry with him during his years of addiction. It was not the answer. The last thing that he said was Love You Much.

    • NorthPoint Staff August 28, 2019 at 2:34 pm - Reply

      So sorry to hear about the loss of your son! Even though it has been 2 years and you are moving forward raising his child, it can still be hard to think about the past and what could have been. You may want to reach out to a Nar Anon group for family support in your area. We really hope you and your family find some peace.

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